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Post by Canuovea on Oct 16, 2015 8:32:19 GMT
Oh pretty funny.
Page 19:
"...draw. (remember damage reduced abilities on Units, this applies when determining draws)." Either capitalize the R in remember or put the brackets inside the previous sentence (so there isn't a period after "draw").
"After the Attacking player has chosen whether or not to play a Response Event,and resolved it’s effect..." Needs a space after the comma following Event, and before "and".
Page 20
"Events have an effect when they are played - some will be useful, others will not. These happen once when the Experience is played and then has no effect, although all Experiences grant a small Ability bonus to the Champion" ((Events have an effect... Don't you mean "Experiences" have an effect... ?))
Page 21
"To perform a Bodygaurd Action..." Should be "Bodyguard", typo.
Page 22
" For the rest of the game, you cannot purchase cards from the opposite Allegiance. If you choose West as your Allegiance, you cannot purchase Eldex cards for the rest of the game and vice-versa"
This is good as repetition makes sure that people understand the rule, but you could argue that the first sentence is unneeded. This comes up a few times, but... I thought I'd mention it here.
"The Wizards consider themselves above the sanction of the other races as if their mission fails the entire world of Harkovast will be doomed." It feels like there could be a comma or something before "as if", or switch the "as" for a "because", as it seems a bit odd.
That seems to be it.
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Post by RED_NED on Oct 16, 2015 12:01:33 GMT
Wow, thanks - you've really helped with a lot of the errors!
I've fixed these mistakes and cleaned up the sentences a bit, it should read a little better now.
I do a lot of repeating in the rules, I figured it was better to over explain something than under explain it? Also if people want to check a rule while they are playing it might make it easier to find what they are looking for if (I included the index at the back for this too).
I'm gonna go and add you in the credits at the beginning for helping and editing etc. Let me know if you don't want me to, or want me to use your real name or internet handle.
I've updated the link with the latest rulebook (I also made a bunch of grammatical changes throughout)
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Post by Harkovast on Oct 16, 2015 19:59:39 GMT
Can you tell that Canuovea is training to be a teacher? I think he might have to hold you back a grade, Red_Ned!
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Post by Canuovea on Oct 16, 2015 22:05:22 GMT
I agree the repetition is probably a good idea.
If you want to include my actual name, go ahead, Hark should know it.
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Post by Harkovast on Oct 16, 2015 22:14:13 GMT
You have a real name? Is...is it Canuovea?
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Post by Canuovea on Oct 16, 2015 22:18:28 GMT
No.
EDIT: kinda, actually.
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Post by Harkovast on Oct 16, 2015 22:20:13 GMT
Mr Can Uovea?
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Post by Canuovea on Oct 16, 2015 22:41:06 GMT
You'll never guess who I'm going to get to review this thing next for you too.
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Post by Harkovast on Oct 16, 2015 23:16:02 GMT
Is it your girl friend? I bet its your girl friend!
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Post by Canuovea on Oct 16, 2015 23:19:45 GMT
She has done essay editing for University magazines before.
She's also the type with some interest in board games and that kind of thing, but no real experience with card games like so, to the best of my knowledge, so she's also probably your best bet for a target audience to test it out on.
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Post by StyxD on Oct 16, 2015 23:32:20 GMT
On page 2,
"Undermine your enemies plans with your guile" Should be an apostrophe after "enemies"
"You will also need to harness the unique magical powers each race controls, as well as trying to gather allies from other nations to your cause" The sentence is wonky, "you will also need (...) as well as trying", also, is "gather allies to" correct?
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Post by Harkovast on Oct 16, 2015 23:48:47 GMT
Canuovea if she likes board games she might like Clash of Nations. It has a fixed set of cards in each deck (though you can alternate the decks you use) so its probably more like a board game in that sense rather than the collectible element people normally associate with card games.
I hope she likes it!
Thanks for your help StyxD! We need as many people checking over this thing as possible.
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Post by RED_NED on Oct 17, 2015 9:28:32 GMT
Great stuff, thanks again for the help guys!
As Hark says, the original idea of the game was to be a boardgame where you used cards, rather than a collectible card game or one where you customize your own deck of cards.
One of the things I wanted was a game where everything is in the box, because my friend brought a couple of Fantasy Flight's living card games to my house to try out. These are a great business model, but a lot of the time they barely give you enough pieces in the starter set to play (and because you build your own decks, its suggested that you need 2 or sometimes 3 copies of the starter set to get a full collection).
I tried to create a boardgame 'feel' where you had the full game in a box, and while you can add expansions and extra stuff, you never feel like the starter set is something you would ever want more than one of (Like when you buy Monopoly, you don't need a second copy to get the 'full' experience).
I guess Smash Up or Dominions is more like what I was going for in a sense.
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Post by Canuovea on Oct 17, 2015 17:53:10 GMT
It seems pretty well designed to me.
I'll go through the touched up version again. Can't get enough of that proof reading!
Also, when Renard has more time, his input could be good too, given how meticulous he can be with grammar.
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Post by Harkovast on Oct 18, 2015 1:26:26 GMT
We've been pouring over it, so more changes and improvements will be on the way.
We've actually found a couple of very minor rules that we;ve actually taken out based on this process. They were just tiny exceptions that were easy to explain but added a LOT of rules to explain them properly in text. Going through and writing the rules is a useful opportunity to see things with fresh eyes and reevaluate whats really needed and what can be dropped.
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