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Post by Canuovea on Feb 20, 2016 22:36:46 GMT
Alright, so, your font... what is it and why? I'm not sure what I think about it. It seems a bit odd.
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Post by StyxD on Feb 20, 2016 22:41:45 GMT
Ok, it looks I won't get to read through the manual in time. Godspeed, then.
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Post by Harkovast on Feb 20, 2016 22:54:04 GMT
StyxD try and get to it if you can. Its not like a firm date for sending it off, but we want to get htings moving if possible.
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Post by RED_NED on Feb 20, 2016 23:15:03 GMT
I use 2 fonts in the book (barring the fonts used on the cover):
'Minion Pro' - For the titles, I think it looks a bit more fancy and fantasy than generic fonts.
'Calibri' - For the bulk of the text, this is just the default font in a lot of word documents.
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Post by Canuovea on Feb 20, 2016 23:44:24 GMT
I asked Tiberia to identify them for me. It turns out I was viewing them at too far out so it just looked weird. At fit page width it is fine.
I'm going through the thing now.
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Post by Canuovea on Feb 21, 2016 1:17:57 GMT
I might be seeing the wrong font in my reader thing.
Page 4:
Instead of "his or her" you could say "their Power".
"are not" instead of "aren't" if you want to be really formal. But probably not worth going through the whole thing and removing all contractions.
"in red borders" could be "with red borders" whichever sounds better to you.
Page 5:
I'd say "and are comprised of" multiple warriors.
Page 6:
"The strength of your units" would be better.
Page 8:
"is comprised of" is how I would say it.
Comma after God.
secret or secrets?
Page 9:
Since shuffles is like that, it should be "then places it face down." Since the player shuffles and places, not shuffles and place. It is used correctly later in the paragraph when told to "shuffle and place" the extra decks.
Page 11: Presumably "you have drawn" this turn, not "have have".
Lets just call that part 1.
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Post by Canuovea on Feb 22, 2016 2:50:12 GMT
The nitty gritty of the rules themselves seem to be pretty well done. Well, that is probably true, I might be missing things as I'm going through this rather tired.
Page 17: I know that there is a lot of capitalization, but I'm not sure why Opponent is capitalized. It makes some sense, but maybe not needed? Or perhaps it is because player is not capitalized?
Also, so now armour can reduce the base damage from nobility, guile, or might, right?
Page 20: When talking about healing, do you normally exert the card doing the healing? Or does it have that on the card itself?
Page 21:
Shouldn't it just be "Highest number of Units and Territories"? The "they have" seems a bit unneeded.
Why does it seem that spending on an extra unneeded unit actually ended up costing a player the game? Did this actually happen in testing?
Okay, lots of text in the next section. New post.
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Post by Canuovea on Feb 22, 2016 4:00:26 GMT
Page 23:
I would add a comma after "protected by," but that's just me. It happens again in the same paragraph. "a singe, more powerful unit." or something.
Two things. "Eaxmple" should be "Example".
Also, is this right? I'm pretty sure the above rules said that damage that would reduce a bodyguard's ability being used in the challenge
Page 24: It might just be me, but wouldn't "and many regard them as arrogant" rather than "to be arrogant."
Page 25:
I'm going to give up and say I'm probably using a Canadianese version of comma usage, or at least an optional one.
"Originally we has" should be "Originally we had"
That should be it.
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Post by StyxD on Feb 23, 2016 1:14:56 GMT
Hey, give me one more day, I will do it tomorrow (well, it's technically today already).
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Post by Harkovast on Feb 23, 2016 2:02:43 GMT
That's cool. Red Ned has been going over it super carefully one sentance at a time with his dad (who proof reads scientific papers professionally) so there's time for you to be able to take a look at it. Probably going to send it off next weekend now.
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Post by StyxD on Feb 24, 2016 23:46:00 GMT
Ok, did done it.
Some of these may be pretty arbitrary, I'm warning you!
Page 6
Considering no other cart has this "card type" notation, it would probably be clearer to just say something like "This denotes that the card is an event" (NOTE: I don't actually know if you can use "denote" in this way).
Who is "you" here? I'm pretty sure I'm not a Harkovast character...
"Correspond with" means to exchange letters with someone (yeah, I didn't know either, but I checked a dict!). You want "correspond to".
I find it somewhat confusing that there are two places in which the challenge type is denoted, since nowhere it says that it supposed to be the same type. Perhaps "textual name of the challenge type" would be clearer?
The effect it has when? Up to this point there was no mention of challenge effects. It should probably be explained here, if this is the first mention. Or it should at least refer to where the effects are explained.
Page 8
I don't think that land can be comprised of people. Their territories, maybe.
What charter? Perhaps a one or two-word description would make it sound better?
Probably should be "their" to keep the voice consistent.
Page 11
But are their played from hand at the right moment or must be otherwise prepared before their effect can take place?
Probably should be "an Unit". Every other description in the paragraph uses "an".
Page 14
"Take"? Is this the right verb?
Page 19
Should this have a red border?
The paragraph never mentions that it describes a case where the unit dies.
Page 20
Is this like Super Mario Bros' P-block?
Page 23
I think you mean Bodyguarding Regiments.
Page 24
Why there were never, up to that point, such headers before other reminders? That would be neat.
Page 25
Hoo boy, from now on it was probably hastily added...
Three's a crowd!
"Both one"? Perhaps "both push one..."?
...you does?
"Up to"?
"Muirs".
The link leads to fanart section, actually.
Page 28
These items do not look aligned in my PDF reader, don't know if the error is on my end or yours.
Now some more general remarks:
1. What's up with quotation marks all over the document? You use single-quotes, double-quotes, unicode single-quotes, unicode double-quotes... can't you just pick one and stick with it?
2. Do Sovereigns actually have a number printed on them to show how much they're worth? Please tell me they do.
3. You have not yet released the game and you have already cut out part of the (already made!) content to set as expansions? What are you, EA?
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Post by Harkovast on Feb 25, 2016 0:46:01 GMT
Regarding cutting the game up, its becuase the full game would be quite expensive. Since not everyone will be able to afford the complete version with dice and loads of decks. By breaking it up we give you the option to spend less money if you want to. Its not like a computer game where the content is already there and we're just gating it off. This is allowing you to buy less physical product in one go, depending on what you want to spend.
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Post by Harkovast on Feb 25, 2016 1:02:36 GMT
Also the link leads to the fanart section because that part of the website has not been built yet. It will launch when the game is going to launch once we've got some content ready (videos and such.)
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Post by StyxD on Feb 27, 2016 16:12:58 GMT
I see. Sorry for comparing you to day one DLC. I forgot that you're not someone who can snap their fingers and churn out hundreds of copies of the game. It probably makes sense to lower the price of entry-level game. In my defense, you're using nearly the same language describing the extensions like DLC people do.
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Post by Harkovast on Feb 27, 2016 16:38:37 GMT
Thats probably because we want people to buy more of em!
I can honestly say that all the additional content improves the game, but you can still play wiht just the basic set and have a great time.
If this game was a digital thing you could download, I'd be giving it to you guys who helped work on it for free.
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