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Post by Harkovast on Jun 24, 2015 18:29:14 GMT
I think I'm in scene 7 of chapter 3 at the minute. Late me know if anyone objects to the changes I just described.
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Post by Canuovea on Jun 24, 2015 19:02:21 GMT
I'm not sure I fully agree. Introducing Konrad's family (and them being sort of assholes) sets up how Konrad ended up in trouble and shipped off to Rhoadira.
And while Alex being lighthearted is good, I think her being terribly socially awkward and not really caring about other people's perspectives makes sense and adds a bit to her character.
But it is up to you.
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Post by Harkovast on Jun 24, 2015 21:11:56 GMT
Alex seemed super insensitive. Like "Dead wife huh? Sucks to be you!" I know shes a bit obvious and awkward, but she comes across like other peoples suffering doesn't matter to her which I want to move away from.
The Konrad thing just seemed kinda out of place. Not that the characters might not talk about it, but in terms of the flow of the story. They are about to go and hunt down the crazed cannibal Brorg-Dao and they stop to have a chat about soemthing unrelated. It would be like if just before they get to mount Doom, Frodo and same have a really long discussion about how they should invest their money in the Shire when they get back home. THey might well talk about it, it seems kinda distracting to the audience who are getting hyped up for the big battle. As a reader I was thinking about the plot and a sudden side story about gold investment plans (that led to quite a long discussion) made me want to skip ahead to the action.
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Post by Horsie on Jun 25, 2015 0:39:31 GMT
Okay.
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Post by Harkovast on Jun 25, 2015 0:49:01 GMT
I just want to make clear that I am not complaining that the original discussion was bad or was poor rpging or anything. At the time it was fun and interesting. Its just that now I am aiming to make fun stories to read, rather than just a record of what was said.
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Post by Canuovea on Jun 25, 2015 1:13:48 GMT
Wait, wasn't the Gold Discussion not really about gold at all, and was more a means to getting Marcus alone to talk about how dangerous Alex seems? That was a rather big plot point that lent itself to the tension between the characters a bit later.
But if you think it is worth streamlining, then lets go with it. I'll have to see the final product.
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Post by Harkovast on Jun 25, 2015 15:35:27 GMT
A lot of the tension with Alex stuff also needs changing because Alex is now much less of a dangerous psycho and doesn't try to up adn randomly murder people so much, so that kind of thing is less relivent.
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Post by Harkovast on Jun 25, 2015 20:55:37 GMT
Okay I got rid of a whole big section where konrad complains abotu Alex then alex shows up and argues with him.
Alex isn't a psycho murderer any more, so Konrad's complaints are not needed any more.
But the thing about him thinking they need to kill Hoof is still in there with just some minor changing.
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Post by Horsie on Jun 25, 2015 21:39:01 GMT
He'd have been more sympathetic if he knew Hoof was a zebra.
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Post by Harkovast on Jun 25, 2015 22:15:45 GMT
How do we know he's a zebra? where is this knowledge coming from?
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Post by Horsie on Jun 25, 2015 22:42:44 GMT
I'm just assuming. We know that some races from Xalkara have survived as servants of the West, and the Ivos (very ignorantly) said that Hoof had "big, ugly hooves". What he really meant was that Hoof had hooves that were bigger than Ivos hooves, and also clearly superior.
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Post by Canuovea on Jun 26, 2015 0:43:24 GMT
You also confirmed it, Hark.
You said he wasn't a Naljat (because not the same as The Angel) and the only other option was Rotetra.
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Post by Harkovast on Jun 26, 2015 21:18:43 GMT
Yeah but I say a lot of stupid stuff. Don't go listening to stuff I say!
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Post by Canuovea on Jun 26, 2015 21:34:11 GMT
He is pretty clearly a Zebra. Or was. You could ret con that, we never bothered attempting to reveal his face. But he definitely was, at one point, a Zebra.
Well, Rotetra.
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Post by Horsie on Jun 26, 2015 21:45:32 GMT
Zebras can probably jump pretty well too.
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