Post by Harkovast on Dec 16, 2014 2:23:09 GMT
They ought to make a law against trilogies.
Sequels can (occasionally) work, but trilogies always blow.
The only exception I can think of is the Toy Story Trilogy, where the quality stays constant throughout.
In every other case trilogies always end up sucking goat balls.
Star Wars- Return of the Jedi had the bad guys use the same evil plan from the first film again (a plan that completely failed and proceeds to completely fail again...is making death stars all these guys know how to do?) and features large numbers of Ewoks.
Lord of the Rings- The final film was the cheesiest of the three and has an ending that goes on for about 3 hours too long.
Matrix- The second and third films need to crawl away and die.
Aliens- The third film makes me want to throw rocks at my tv when it comes on.
You get the idea.
So that brings us to the sorry story of Spiderman 3.
Super heroes come with a lot of baggage. They have vast, over written back stories and literally dozens of enemies that fans will be crying out for.
This can provide a rich source of ideas, but can become a poisoned chalice as film makers get greedy and feel the need to shoe horn too much of this stuff into a single movie.
This is what spoiled a lot of the pre-Christian Bale Batman movies.
And in keeping with the proud tradition of DC and Marvel copying each other, Spiderman attempts to one up Batman in terms of creating the most overly cluttered super hero movie imaginable.
At the end of Spiderman 2, it is established the Peter Parkers best friend is about to become the new Green Goblin and seek revenge on him.
Now that sounds like a pretty clear set up, right?
That's why the movie is all about Spiderman fighting the Sandman (who is a monser made of sand) who it turns out was the REAL killer of Peter Parkers Uncle Ben.
An interesting point with this revelation (other than the fact it is a massive ret con) is that entirely undermines the original moral that motivated Spiderman to fight evil.
Spiderman letting a criminal escape did not actually lead to his uncle's death...
Wow, we have not only learned who the real killer of Uncle Ben was but we've also watched as his entire legacy is lined up an executed.
So what happened to the New Goblin? The one who we were expecting to fight the hero?
Well he gets hit on the head and loses his memory at the start of the film.
No really.
That's what happens.
The films creator were so desperate to avoid doing the movie we were expecting in favour of their ridiculous Sandman contrivance, that they need to use further contrivance avoid all the things that might have made their movie any good!
Another major plot point that showed up in the hype to the movie was the Black Spiderman suit, which Spiderman fans will know leads to the creation of Venom (big evil black demon Spiderman made of slime).
Unfortunately Sam Raimi doesn't like Venom very much, so gives him the smallest possible role in the movie.
No really, Sam Raimi made a movie about a character he didn't like and so tried to side line that character as far as possible.
Venom is barely in this film, appearing for perhaps five on ten minutes on screen. I wish that was an exaggeration. He basically shows up for a final battle and gets destroyed.
We do get a long time of Peter Parker wearing the black suit (which is made of the slime that will eventually become Venom.) The suits makes him increasingly aggressive and out of control until he almost becomes a heartless killer and discards the suit before its too late and he loses everything that he stands for.
Oh sorry, that is what was supposed to happen!
Instead Peter starts doing silly walking, over the top dancing and being kinda smug.
No really.
Peter's girl friend starts becomes a really jealous self absorbed asshole during the movie, becoming angry that Peter as Spiderman is more popular than her singing career.
But this is presented that we are supposed to sympathise with her.
Honestly, I am not making any of this up!
This is one of those movies that you cant exaggerate. It is so badly structured and ill conceived that almost everything that it includes sounds like a deliberate joke when said out loud.
After watching the movie, I was left wondering if what I had just seen had really happened.
Its a jumble of bungled ideas and half finished plot lines. There are THREE main villains who are all fighting for screen time and the two most interesting and relevant ones (that were in all the trailers) get entirely side lined.
Peter Parker turning to the dark side and losing himself ends up seeming like half assed comedy.
There is even is a scene with Raimi regular Bruce Campbell showing up as a French waiter, because....ummm....who knows? It wasn't funny, it wasn't really anything. But I suppose it didn't work any worse then any of the other stupid things that got into this pile of shit.
This movie ruined the franchise, to the extent that they rebooted he whole thing a few years later.
It is becoming almost funny how rapidly super hero films reboot these days. The Hulk had a movie that sucked, then a reboot that also sucked and then Hulk got played by a third actor in The Avengers movie.
This is a movie Spiderman would never see, because his spider sense would tingle, warning him that it was complete shit and he would then use his super spider skills to go and beat the living fuck out of the assholes who were ruining his legacy.
That thought kinda makes me wish I lived in the Marvel Universe.
Sequels can (occasionally) work, but trilogies always blow.
The only exception I can think of is the Toy Story Trilogy, where the quality stays constant throughout.
In every other case trilogies always end up sucking goat balls.
Star Wars- Return of the Jedi had the bad guys use the same evil plan from the first film again (a plan that completely failed and proceeds to completely fail again...is making death stars all these guys know how to do?) and features large numbers of Ewoks.
Lord of the Rings- The final film was the cheesiest of the three and has an ending that goes on for about 3 hours too long.
Matrix- The second and third films need to crawl away and die.
Aliens- The third film makes me want to throw rocks at my tv when it comes on.
You get the idea.
So that brings us to the sorry story of Spiderman 3.
Super heroes come with a lot of baggage. They have vast, over written back stories and literally dozens of enemies that fans will be crying out for.
This can provide a rich source of ideas, but can become a poisoned chalice as film makers get greedy and feel the need to shoe horn too much of this stuff into a single movie.
This is what spoiled a lot of the pre-Christian Bale Batman movies.
And in keeping with the proud tradition of DC and Marvel copying each other, Spiderman attempts to one up Batman in terms of creating the most overly cluttered super hero movie imaginable.
At the end of Spiderman 2, it is established the Peter Parkers best friend is about to become the new Green Goblin and seek revenge on him.
Now that sounds like a pretty clear set up, right?
That's why the movie is all about Spiderman fighting the Sandman (who is a monser made of sand) who it turns out was the REAL killer of Peter Parkers Uncle Ben.
An interesting point with this revelation (other than the fact it is a massive ret con) is that entirely undermines the original moral that motivated Spiderman to fight evil.
Spiderman letting a criminal escape did not actually lead to his uncle's death...
Wow, we have not only learned who the real killer of Uncle Ben was but we've also watched as his entire legacy is lined up an executed.
So what happened to the New Goblin? The one who we were expecting to fight the hero?
Well he gets hit on the head and loses his memory at the start of the film.
No really.
That's what happens.
The films creator were so desperate to avoid doing the movie we were expecting in favour of their ridiculous Sandman contrivance, that they need to use further contrivance avoid all the things that might have made their movie any good!
Another major plot point that showed up in the hype to the movie was the Black Spiderman suit, which Spiderman fans will know leads to the creation of Venom (big evil black demon Spiderman made of slime).
Unfortunately Sam Raimi doesn't like Venom very much, so gives him the smallest possible role in the movie.
No really, Sam Raimi made a movie about a character he didn't like and so tried to side line that character as far as possible.
Venom is barely in this film, appearing for perhaps five on ten minutes on screen. I wish that was an exaggeration. He basically shows up for a final battle and gets destroyed.
We do get a long time of Peter Parker wearing the black suit (which is made of the slime that will eventually become Venom.) The suits makes him increasingly aggressive and out of control until he almost becomes a heartless killer and discards the suit before its too late and he loses everything that he stands for.
Oh sorry, that is what was supposed to happen!
Instead Peter starts doing silly walking, over the top dancing and being kinda smug.
No really.
Peter's girl friend starts becomes a really jealous self absorbed asshole during the movie, becoming angry that Peter as Spiderman is more popular than her singing career.
But this is presented that we are supposed to sympathise with her.
Honestly, I am not making any of this up!
This is one of those movies that you cant exaggerate. It is so badly structured and ill conceived that almost everything that it includes sounds like a deliberate joke when said out loud.
After watching the movie, I was left wondering if what I had just seen had really happened.
Its a jumble of bungled ideas and half finished plot lines. There are THREE main villains who are all fighting for screen time and the two most interesting and relevant ones (that were in all the trailers) get entirely side lined.
Peter Parker turning to the dark side and losing himself ends up seeming like half assed comedy.
There is even is a scene with Raimi regular Bruce Campbell showing up as a French waiter, because....ummm....who knows? It wasn't funny, it wasn't really anything. But I suppose it didn't work any worse then any of the other stupid things that got into this pile of shit.
This movie ruined the franchise, to the extent that they rebooted he whole thing a few years later.
It is becoming almost funny how rapidly super hero films reboot these days. The Hulk had a movie that sucked, then a reboot that also sucked and then Hulk got played by a third actor in The Avengers movie.
This is a movie Spiderman would never see, because his spider sense would tingle, warning him that it was complete shit and he would then use his super spider skills to go and beat the living fuck out of the assholes who were ruining his legacy.
That thought kinda makes me wish I lived in the Marvel Universe.