|
Post by Harkovast on Jul 4, 2015 13:50:22 GMT
In Warhammer, the fantasy battle game from Gamesworkshop, the world blew up. Bit of a downer! But don't worry, a new version of the game is coming out. So to celebrate the release of Warhammer:Age of Sigmar (available for preorder today) I thought we would play a game. I am going to show you some pictures of people, and you have to judge which of them you think would be best at playing W:AoS. For the sake of argument, we will assume each of them has the same skills at the game, understanding of the rules etc. For this game, all players will be playing an Empire army, to keep it fair. We are going to judge who will win purely on their pictures. 1- 2- 3- 4- 5- Pick the winner and state your reasons! (There is only one correct answer.)
|
|
|
Post by zaealix on Jul 4, 2015 14:32:16 GMT
Wait a sec... If they have the same skills, the same rules knowledge and the same army, how does any of them get the advantage over the others? Personality/way of thinking? Bit of a catch there if you ask me, or perhaps I'm too uninformed about these guys... Crown dude seems too interested in his own face. old lady...This does not seem like an old lady game, but at the same time, I can't rule her out. Asian offcier/kim something rules china now? He seems like maybe he'd have some real-life experience bleedover so he'd be suited for it... Abraham-I feel like this guy might have been the one who ahd to deal with the Civil War, but not necessarily a guy who fought in it/was a general or something like that. Not as much points as asian man. Austin powers-I have not watched the relevant media. I'm gonna assume the goofball has no real aptitude on this.
In the end, I hand it to the chinaman. Now for the explaination why I'm an ignorant moron in 3...2...1...
|
|
|
Post by Harkovast on Jul 4, 2015 14:34:54 GMT
Zaelix well otehr than the fact Kim Jong Un is the dictator of North Korea not China and you didn't recognise Freddie Mercury of hte band queen or the actual Queen of England...
Your answer was perfectly reasonable. Let's see what others think.
|
|
|
Post by Canuovea on Jul 4, 2015 17:04:20 GMT
Its odd. Suddenly everything on the website looks strangely affordable. I understand why they did this, really. Fantasy is dying and keeping everything on the shelves is just a waste of space. This might reboot it or something.
Also Elves are best anyway...
So my predictions. They'll all be equally shitty because you're making them play Empire but there isn't actually any Empire. They've kind of jumbled all the "good" humans together as a "human" race. So who knows? And what about the Space Marines Stormcast Eternals who are now Sigmar's answer to the big strong Chaos warriors?
To be more serious... or, well, less serious...
The Queen can't win, she's female. Females aren't allowed in Games Workshop, they're icky. If it weren't for that, she'd win. Just look at her, she's got her game face on.
Austin Powers is an idiot and he looks like an idiot in his picture. Too goofy, you've got to take your plastic toys seriously to win, dammit! Sorry. Miniatures.
Lincoln looks too stately to win, but not stately enough to win. If you know what I mean?
Kim Jung Un, despite looking like he might shit himself, won't win because he looks boring and bored otherwise. You've got to gaudy it up for this.
So that means Freddie Mercury wins. Not because of his face or whatnot, but just because of the gigantic fucking crown he's wearing. That gigantic crown means he understands the spirit of Warhammer. Big and fucking ridiculous. This insight would let him defeat all comers (except Elizabeth the 2nd, if she were a man).
|
|
|
Post by Harkovast on Jul 4, 2015 17:39:59 GMT
There will be no more elves. You now play as an Aelf army. No seriously.
Interesting choice Canuovea but you made a mistake. The faces are the only thing you should be considering in your choice. They are all that matters. No I am not joking.
|
|
|
Post by Harkovast on Jul 4, 2015 17:45:47 GMT
I shuld point out, I am talking about who will have the advantage from a purely rules point of view.
Confused yet?
|
|
|
Post by Canuovea on Jul 4, 2015 17:54:23 GMT
Yes.
They're still elves. They called space elves "Eldar", thinking they were protected from Tolkien suing the pants off of them. They aren't though, Elves are Eldar in Tolkien, Eldar just means people of the stars or something like that in the language. If Christopher Tolkien wanted to sue the pants off them, he could. Aelf just goes back to weird slanty "A" followed by "elf" like in older style English.
Despite Austin Powers having the only face that differs at all, I hate him, so I'm not going to say he wins.
|
|
|
Post by Harkovast on Jul 4, 2015 18:06:40 GMT
Orcs are now Orruks. Goblins are Grots. and so on.
|
|
|
Post by Canuovea on Jul 4, 2015 18:10:24 GMT
Nobody really cares, they're the same thing.
|
|
|
Post by Harkovast on Jul 4, 2015 20:00:43 GMT
GW care! Must protect the IP! They can't copy right dwarves and elves!
I want to wait to see what Renard makes of my little challenge, cause his views on GW make me laugh because of his outsider perspective (he can see how daft it all is!) So I will wait for a bit longer before my reveal of what the fuck I am on about here.
|
|
|
Post by Harkovast on Jul 5, 2015 14:38:30 GMT
Okay enough stalling, lets get to the answer.
The correct one was number 1, Freddies Mercury.
The reason?
He is the only one with a moustache.
Abe Lincon has a good beard but his lack of tache means he will have an obvious disadvantage.
Well that's it, thanks for playing folks.
What? You don't think that made sense? Pfft obviously you need to study your Age of Sigmar army lists closer! The special character Kurt Helborg, known for his impressive moustache, can reroll to hit if you have a more luxurious moustache than your opponent. That is to say, the facial hair of the two players playing the game is compare to determine if you get an advantage.
This is true. This is an actual rule in a real game that people were paid money to write.
You want to learn about age of sigmar? Are you sure you are ready to see how deep this rabbit hole goes?
|
|
|
Post by zaealix on Jul 5, 2015 16:55:09 GMT
Clearly, that Kurt guy is effectively an 'unhinged' character like how MtG has silly 'unhinged' cards not meant for serious play...Right?
|
|
|
Post by Horsie on Jul 5, 2015 17:20:07 GMT
God damnit! If I had seen this thread earlier that's exactly what I would have posted! Or that he'd win because he's Freddie Goddamned Mercury. So they stick another letter on there and act like it's something different? Take out the "e" and give us some of these things; At least Game Workshop wouldn't just be rehashing the same stuff they've been doing for 30+ years.
|
|
|
Post by RED_NED on Jul 5, 2015 17:26:15 GMT
There's not really 'serious' play anymore, not in the competitive sense.
These rules would be more tolerable if they were just limited to special characters...
|
|
|
Post by Harkovast on Jul 5, 2015 18:05:00 GMT
Dwarf Long beards require you to complain about stuff in order to trigger their complaining special ability.
A slanesh character requires you to dance and (rather creepily) coerce your opponent into also dancing for an even bigger bonus.
Grail knights require you to raise a goblet in a toast.
There is a vampire that requires you to talk to the model and gives bigger bonus' if the model talks back (I have no idea, don't ask me.)
This is the new eddition of warhammer. I would complain about dumb background, lame model designs or bad game play...but I don't feel like I even need too after that kind of ridiculous bullshit.
|
|