Post by Harkovast on Dec 22, 2014 21:26:35 GMT
Am I the only one who thought this movie was fucking stupid?
Evidently yes judging by how much praise it gets.
The same is true for the TV series version Band of Brothers and The Pacific.
Though to me...they all seem like a load of crap.
Alright, maybe that is a little harsh, these shows are not without merit. In places they look quite impressive. There is certainly a lot of explosions and fake blood (so much that it sometimes gets on the camera!) If you want to watch over the top war nonsense then I guess they work on that level.
But there is the problem!
These were meant to be something different- a more mature, realistic war film that show what war was really like.
Instead, asside from harsh language, shakey cam and the affore mentioned fake blood, we get he exact same cheesey war nonsense we should have alll seem a hundred times before.
I am sure someone out there is outraged right now (or I am not doing my snarky job right.)
Well the problem is, I have watched a lot of war films as a kid, enough that I have started to notice certain...trends, tropes if you will.
Things which occur in films that are so patently silly that no one would possibly try to defend them as realisitc.
Let me give you a quick run down of a few classics-
1- Americans are harder to shoot.
It is a scientific fact that Americans are harder to hit with bullets.
I dont know if its because other countries make wonky guns and their bullets dont go straight, a diet heavy in apple pie makes someone naturally lead resistant or that they are the only nation that gets trained on how to hold their guns right.
But the fact is, Americans are really hard to shoot compared to other countries.
When a load of Americans run across the open and people open fire on them or ambush them, a couple of Americans get hit.
When the same thing happens the other way around, all the nazis/japanese/whoever die in droves. They all get slaughtered.
Why does ti work differently? Either people in the open are easy to mo down or they are not.
Worse yet is the cheesey element when an American (or group of Americans) does a heroic dash across the open and all the soliders on the other side some how fail to hit them, or dont see them or generally fuck around in stead of shooting them to bits.
Now think hard...have you EVER seen this the other way around?
A bit where a german soldier runs out across the open and all the Americans either aren't paying enough attention and he gets into position or shoot at him and completely miss.
Imagine how goofy that would look from the other side.
"Wow, Hans" said Fredrick, one of two german soldiers in this example "about 20 of us were firing and yet we STILL let that lone American heroically dash across the open and get away, all our bullets hitting the ground around him uselessly....I think it is time to face facts...we fucking suck at war!"
Again, I am not saying that these types of fluke events don't happen or cant happen in war, but when only one side can do them, that is cheesey action movie nonsense.
2- Americans are explosions resistant
Trying to kill Americans with high explosives is a fools game.
It is even more wasteful then using bullets on them!
Especially hand grenades, you have to be an idiot throwing a hand grenade at a yank.
It is a scientific fact that unless an American is stood literally in the middle of an explosion, it will not hurt or kill him. Unless you can get a grenade literally in his pants, the American soldier is going to duck slightly and continue going.
The same does not hold true for Germans and Japanese soldiers.
If the explosion special effect goes off within thirty feet, they all throw their arms up in the air and drop dead (or stumble around in an injured daze till some Americans shoot them.)
Am I supposed to believe that the area effect of the explosion is just the dirt nad dust it throws up and at the edges of that you are safe...or that there is also a shock wave around that which will kill everyone nearby.
BOTH CANT BE TRUE!
War movies have left me believing that we could have dropped a handgrenade on berlin, wiped out the entire population and ended the war!
3- Rule of Revenge.
There is a special way that American soldiers are trained.
You might have heard the phrase "never leave a man behind".
Well the US says "Never leave a man unavenged"
How this works is that any time a Japanese or German soldier kills an American, that American WILL be aveneged.
And I mean before the end of the battle...often immediately!
Being shown on screen killing Americans is a death sentence for any other nationality!
It might explain why they miss the Americans so much, I have to admit I would be reluctant to shoot one of them.
Germans and Japanese soldiers obviously skip this part of basic training as Americans can shoot them all day and all night without any particular karmic pay back.
I assume this is to make the audience feel they are getting closure or justice is being done...because those are the things I would most expect from a realistic war film.
You want to know what my favourite war film is?
Hot Shots Part Deux
If we are going to have cartoonish and silly war films, lets all take it to its logical conclusion.
But dont try to pass off this nonsense as realistic or harrowing.
Evidently yes judging by how much praise it gets.
The same is true for the TV series version Band of Brothers and The Pacific.
Though to me...they all seem like a load of crap.
Alright, maybe that is a little harsh, these shows are not without merit. In places they look quite impressive. There is certainly a lot of explosions and fake blood (so much that it sometimes gets on the camera!) If you want to watch over the top war nonsense then I guess they work on that level.
But there is the problem!
These were meant to be something different- a more mature, realistic war film that show what war was really like.
Instead, asside from harsh language, shakey cam and the affore mentioned fake blood, we get he exact same cheesey war nonsense we should have alll seem a hundred times before.
I am sure someone out there is outraged right now (or I am not doing my snarky job right.)
Well the problem is, I have watched a lot of war films as a kid, enough that I have started to notice certain...trends, tropes if you will.
Things which occur in films that are so patently silly that no one would possibly try to defend them as realisitc.
Let me give you a quick run down of a few classics-
1- Americans are harder to shoot.
It is a scientific fact that Americans are harder to hit with bullets.
I dont know if its because other countries make wonky guns and their bullets dont go straight, a diet heavy in apple pie makes someone naturally lead resistant or that they are the only nation that gets trained on how to hold their guns right.
But the fact is, Americans are really hard to shoot compared to other countries.
When a load of Americans run across the open and people open fire on them or ambush them, a couple of Americans get hit.
When the same thing happens the other way around, all the nazis/japanese/whoever die in droves. They all get slaughtered.
Why does ti work differently? Either people in the open are easy to mo down or they are not.
Worse yet is the cheesey element when an American (or group of Americans) does a heroic dash across the open and all the soliders on the other side some how fail to hit them, or dont see them or generally fuck around in stead of shooting them to bits.
Now think hard...have you EVER seen this the other way around?
A bit where a german soldier runs out across the open and all the Americans either aren't paying enough attention and he gets into position or shoot at him and completely miss.
Imagine how goofy that would look from the other side.
"Wow, Hans" said Fredrick, one of two german soldiers in this example "about 20 of us were firing and yet we STILL let that lone American heroically dash across the open and get away, all our bullets hitting the ground around him uselessly....I think it is time to face facts...we fucking suck at war!"
Again, I am not saying that these types of fluke events don't happen or cant happen in war, but when only one side can do them, that is cheesey action movie nonsense.
2- Americans are explosions resistant
Trying to kill Americans with high explosives is a fools game.
It is even more wasteful then using bullets on them!
Especially hand grenades, you have to be an idiot throwing a hand grenade at a yank.
It is a scientific fact that unless an American is stood literally in the middle of an explosion, it will not hurt or kill him. Unless you can get a grenade literally in his pants, the American soldier is going to duck slightly and continue going.
The same does not hold true for Germans and Japanese soldiers.
If the explosion special effect goes off within thirty feet, they all throw their arms up in the air and drop dead (or stumble around in an injured daze till some Americans shoot them.)
Am I supposed to believe that the area effect of the explosion is just the dirt nad dust it throws up and at the edges of that you are safe...or that there is also a shock wave around that which will kill everyone nearby.
BOTH CANT BE TRUE!
War movies have left me believing that we could have dropped a handgrenade on berlin, wiped out the entire population and ended the war!
3- Rule of Revenge.
There is a special way that American soldiers are trained.
You might have heard the phrase "never leave a man behind".
Well the US says "Never leave a man unavenged"
How this works is that any time a Japanese or German soldier kills an American, that American WILL be aveneged.
And I mean before the end of the battle...often immediately!
Being shown on screen killing Americans is a death sentence for any other nationality!
It might explain why they miss the Americans so much, I have to admit I would be reluctant to shoot one of them.
Germans and Japanese soldiers obviously skip this part of basic training as Americans can shoot them all day and all night without any particular karmic pay back.
I assume this is to make the audience feel they are getting closure or justice is being done...because those are the things I would most expect from a realistic war film.
You want to know what my favourite war film is?
Hot Shots Part Deux
If we are going to have cartoonish and silly war films, lets all take it to its logical conclusion.
But dont try to pass off this nonsense as realistic or harrowing.