Post by Harkovast on May 28, 2016 20:22:12 GMT
Okay so I already made fun of how goofy the necron background has become, but then I came acorss a new gem that I just had to share.
Necron Lords dont know how their technology works and don't care. They are like the jocks of the immortal robot world.
The technology is managed by Crypteks.
These one eyed techno master minds keep everything running and their tech is so advanced it seems like magic. I'm not clear if the Necron over lords think its magic, it seems possible.
Necron technology is apparantly kinda shaky and needs constantly maintenance to keep running, so if the Cryptek slacks off everything falls apart.
The crypteks don't always get appreciated for their efforts, so ...
Well let me just copy and paste the quote-
" As Tomb Worlds need perpetual maintenance to maintain their countless systems functioning at peak efficiency, it is not unknown for a slighted Cryptek to bring the maintenance cycle to a screaming halt should his supposed "betters" require a reminder of the power he and his kind wield. Even the proudest Necron Overlord will muster an apology when his soldiers and weapons seize up on the eve of battle."
This might be the single funniest thing in the history of 40K.
I can't think of any way to play this scene that isn't hillarious.
Its so amazing I decided to write a fan fiction about it.
Feels of the Cryptek- By Hark.
The Necron Overlord out on to the shifting rocks, cracking and breaking as his warriors awoke from their slumber.
Thousands of metallic skeletal killers, united in a single purpose, ready to rebuild their Empire after the sleep of eons.
They had ruled before these puny organics had crawled out of the primordial filth and would rule once more.
"Arise my armies!" His voice was cold and hard as grating steel. "The hour of our ascension is at hand!"
He was more than a little surprised when his warriors all suddenly collapsed on the ground in crumpled heaps.
"Wha....what the hell is this?" He demanded looking around confused.
It was then that he noticed the Cryptek, sat with his feet up on a rock, making a pantomime of his exaggerated disinterest.
"Oh what's up?" said the Cryptek, his single green eye surveying the scene "Having technical difficulties?"
"You miserable sorcerer! Reactive my warriors before I obliterate you!"
"Yeah, how about not. I'm thinking I might just sit here. I'm feeling a bit tired to be honest. Not really up to fixing stuff."
"We are immortal machines! We don't get tired, you cheeky little shit!"
"Well we all know my job is super easy, and any idiot could do it. So how about you turn on your own undying legion this time?"
The Overlord paused and shifted his feet uneasily.
"Look when I said that..."
"I thought you would revel in the opportunity to do it yourself, cut out the middleman."
"You're taking me out of context!"
"What about when you said I was a one eyed trouser snake with a head like, and I quote, a giant gleaming dong?"
"I meant it affectionately!"
"I'm sick of doing all the work around here, so you can do it yourself for once. See how you get on."
"Urgh! Alright, fine, be that way! Bloody, stuck up..." The Necron Lord stormed over to the nearest pile of warriors and started trying to get them to stand up.
About ten minute later he had managed to prop one of them up against a wall.
"Oooh, real scary!" said the Crytek, giving slow applause "If I had bowels they would be emptying right now in terror at this unstoppable army of death machines."
"You're loving this aren't you?"
"If you have any problems, why don't you get your Blood Angels friends to help you out?"
"OH THAT WAS ONE TIME!" The Overlord took a couple of seconds to compose himself, "So...what do you want?"
"What I want..." The Cryptek paused and his voice became very serious "...an apology"
"A WHAT?"
"You heard me, I want an apology. A proper one. I'm sick of you not appreciating all my hard work around here."
"Oh, you bitch! I am not going to stand here and apologise! You should apologise to me for all this!"
"Fine, no skin off my nose."
"You don't have any skin, or a nose!"
"What I do have is an arse made of living steel and I intend to keep it firmly planted right here till you apologise for the way you treat me."
"This is ridiculous."
"Oh so I'm ridiculous now"
"No I didn't...alright...look, cant we just..."
"Read my lips! Apology or no immortal warriors from before the beginning of time."
"You don't have lips." the Overlord put a hand to his head and rubbed the temples of his skull. "Okay, I'm sorry. Lets go."
"No, do it properly! Say it like you mean it!"
"I'm a soulless kill bot, this is what sincere sounds like from me!"
"I want a proper apology in front of everyone."
The Cryptek raised his staff and, as one, the Necron legion rose to their feet, green light shining from deep in the sockets of their ancient eyes.
The Overlord hunched forward and kicked at the ground "Really going to make me do this? Alright, alright..." he addressed his legion "I am really, truly sorry that I hurt the Cryptek's feelings. I see now that I was being insensitive and I should have done more to make him feel appreciated. It was wrong of me to make fun of him for having one eye and implying he looked like a penis, which he clearly does not. He does a great deal to help my uncountable, invincible armies, and he doesn't get enough credit. Cryptek, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings and I appreciate all your hard work."
"Aww thanks." The Cryptek gave the Overlord a fist bump. "Lets get back to work destroying the organic upstarts."
"I wish you would just come and talk to me next time, instead of being a dick about it."
"Wait a minute...what do you mean by 'being a dick'?!?"
Necron Lords dont know how their technology works and don't care. They are like the jocks of the immortal robot world.
The technology is managed by Crypteks.
These one eyed techno master minds keep everything running and their tech is so advanced it seems like magic. I'm not clear if the Necron over lords think its magic, it seems possible.
Necron technology is apparantly kinda shaky and needs constantly maintenance to keep running, so if the Cryptek slacks off everything falls apart.
The crypteks don't always get appreciated for their efforts, so ...
Well let me just copy and paste the quote-
" As Tomb Worlds need perpetual maintenance to maintain their countless systems functioning at peak efficiency, it is not unknown for a slighted Cryptek to bring the maintenance cycle to a screaming halt should his supposed "betters" require a reminder of the power he and his kind wield. Even the proudest Necron Overlord will muster an apology when his soldiers and weapons seize up on the eve of battle."
This might be the single funniest thing in the history of 40K.
I can't think of any way to play this scene that isn't hillarious.
Its so amazing I decided to write a fan fiction about it.
Feels of the Cryptek- By Hark.
The Necron Overlord out on to the shifting rocks, cracking and breaking as his warriors awoke from their slumber.
Thousands of metallic skeletal killers, united in a single purpose, ready to rebuild their Empire after the sleep of eons.
They had ruled before these puny organics had crawled out of the primordial filth and would rule once more.
"Arise my armies!" His voice was cold and hard as grating steel. "The hour of our ascension is at hand!"
He was more than a little surprised when his warriors all suddenly collapsed on the ground in crumpled heaps.
"Wha....what the hell is this?" He demanded looking around confused.
It was then that he noticed the Cryptek, sat with his feet up on a rock, making a pantomime of his exaggerated disinterest.
"Oh what's up?" said the Cryptek, his single green eye surveying the scene "Having technical difficulties?"
"You miserable sorcerer! Reactive my warriors before I obliterate you!"
"Yeah, how about not. I'm thinking I might just sit here. I'm feeling a bit tired to be honest. Not really up to fixing stuff."
"We are immortal machines! We don't get tired, you cheeky little shit!"
"Well we all know my job is super easy, and any idiot could do it. So how about you turn on your own undying legion this time?"
The Overlord paused and shifted his feet uneasily.
"Look when I said that..."
"I thought you would revel in the opportunity to do it yourself, cut out the middleman."
"You're taking me out of context!"
"What about when you said I was a one eyed trouser snake with a head like, and I quote, a giant gleaming dong?"
"I meant it affectionately!"
"I'm sick of doing all the work around here, so you can do it yourself for once. See how you get on."
"Urgh! Alright, fine, be that way! Bloody, stuck up..." The Necron Lord stormed over to the nearest pile of warriors and started trying to get them to stand up.
About ten minute later he had managed to prop one of them up against a wall.
"Oooh, real scary!" said the Crytek, giving slow applause "If I had bowels they would be emptying right now in terror at this unstoppable army of death machines."
"You're loving this aren't you?"
"If you have any problems, why don't you get your Blood Angels friends to help you out?"
"OH THAT WAS ONE TIME!" The Overlord took a couple of seconds to compose himself, "So...what do you want?"
"What I want..." The Cryptek paused and his voice became very serious "...an apology"
"A WHAT?"
"You heard me, I want an apology. A proper one. I'm sick of you not appreciating all my hard work around here."
"Oh, you bitch! I am not going to stand here and apologise! You should apologise to me for all this!"
"Fine, no skin off my nose."
"You don't have any skin, or a nose!"
"What I do have is an arse made of living steel and I intend to keep it firmly planted right here till you apologise for the way you treat me."
"This is ridiculous."
"Oh so I'm ridiculous now"
"No I didn't...alright...look, cant we just..."
"Read my lips! Apology or no immortal warriors from before the beginning of time."
"You don't have lips." the Overlord put a hand to his head and rubbed the temples of his skull. "Okay, I'm sorry. Lets go."
"No, do it properly! Say it like you mean it!"
"I'm a soulless kill bot, this is what sincere sounds like from me!"
"I want a proper apology in front of everyone."
The Cryptek raised his staff and, as one, the Necron legion rose to their feet, green light shining from deep in the sockets of their ancient eyes.
The Overlord hunched forward and kicked at the ground "Really going to make me do this? Alright, alright..." he addressed his legion "I am really, truly sorry that I hurt the Cryptek's feelings. I see now that I was being insensitive and I should have done more to make him feel appreciated. It was wrong of me to make fun of him for having one eye and implying he looked like a penis, which he clearly does not. He does a great deal to help my uncountable, invincible armies, and he doesn't get enough credit. Cryptek, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings and I appreciate all your hard work."
"Aww thanks." The Cryptek gave the Overlord a fist bump. "Lets get back to work destroying the organic upstarts."
"I wish you would just come and talk to me next time, instead of being a dick about it."
"Wait a minute...what do you mean by 'being a dick'?!?"
