Post by Harkovast on Oct 14, 2019 20:10:22 GMT
The reason I split this review into different parts is because typing is hard and I get tired.
But it is ALSO because End Game is movie of three parts.
It is certainly not a traditional three act structure by any means, as the parts don’t really follow on from each other. It’s more like the movie just abruptly changes its tone and what it’s about every so often.
Another curious feature of this movie is that while watching it I kept writing better storylines in my head and then being disappointed.
When Ironman’s daughter was introduced along with time travel, I thought the plot was building towards some kind of Sophie’s Choice where time travel can fix what Thanos did but in the process will erase Tony’s daughter.
Imagine the drama!
This would be especially interesting since in part one Thanos had to sacrifice his own beloved daughter to achieve his goals. Being a villain he was, of course, willing to do it.
Imagine Stark reaching to the time stone/time machine/ whatever makes them time travel, but then looks at his daughter and slumps, unable to do what needs to be done.
Than Thanos taunting him for being weak, and unable to do what is necessary to win.
But then maybe Thanos comes to realise that actually it was Tony who was right, and that Thanos destroyed the things that were really important in his misguided mission.
Then in the end its Thanos that uses the snap to undo is own evil scheme, putting the universe back and going to live in peace with his adopted children.
But of course that would actually be interesting.
SO FUCK THAT!
Instead Hulk lays out time travel rules and makes it clear that you actually cannot change the past, everything is already set.
So everything that has happened in the past cannot be change, but that means the Avengers can do stuff around the edges. For example, they can’t up and murder Thanos, since we know Thanos wasn’t murdered.
However they could steal an Infinity stone when no one was looking and put it back before anyone noticed.
Okay so the cool Sophie’s Choice is out the window, but instead we get the interesting concept of a time heist!
At this point I perked up a bit. I realised that what was being set up was a fun romp through the “greatest hits” of the previous Avengers films, with our heroes sneaking around in the background of their other adventures.
As a way to wrap up the Avengers films, this made a certain sense.
The time travel rule of having to try to change things in ways no one observed at the time struck me as an interesting concept.
I was interested how these unusual rules would play out.
The answer, of course, is that they wouldn’t.
They basically start breaking these rules immediately.
At first I was thinking to myself “how are they going to square that this happened originally?”
Captain America does a retread of the scene from Winter Soldier where he is in the lift with loads of bad guys but this time he whispers “Hail Hydra” to them and they let him leave, thinking he is one of them.
Amusing…but wouldn’t this mean that the hydra agents thought he was in their organisation and when they realised he WASN’T in Hydra they would know he was onto them and that would change how everything happened in Winter Soldier?
A little later they accidentally let Loki escape after the events of Avengers 1. So now the entire ending of that film happened differently.
But then this gets explained because Hulk meets the bald magic woman from the Doctor Strange movie (God damn there are too many fucking characters here) and she says that when they time travel it creates parallel universes and if they take the Infinity stones it will cause some unspecified problem in these alternate universes.
So….guess we are changing the time travel rules half way through now.
We’ve gone from “you can’t change the past” to “you can change it but its an alternate universe so it doesn’t affect the present.”
So I guess Hulk is actually just a fucking moron and was talking total shit about how time travel works.
But if we are now working on alternate time line rules…why are our heroes still sneaking around? Why not just tell their pass selves “We are you guys from the future?”
The whole point of what Hulk said was to set up the time Heist. If what he said was untrue the heist concept makes no sense.
What is odd about this section of the film is how easy the time heist seems.
Most of the stones are collected without any trouble at all.
They have a few problems here and there but pretty soon our heroes have gathered them all up.
Tony Stark even gets to have a one to one with his dad (who doesn’t realise he is talking to his own future son.)
Let me activate some time travel skills of my own and take you back to my Ironman 2 review.
That’s right, we’re doing our own greatest hits right back at ‘em!
In that review I complained that Ironman’s relationship with his dad is really fucking boring.
Basically his dad was distant and spent all his time working, but really loved his son a lot even if he never expressed this very well.
This was a fucking boring reveal in Ironman 2 (“your dad you always looked up to? Actually a really great guy”) So it’s just as boring this time around.
Yeah okay so Tony and his dad loved each other even if they were distant from each other emotionally.
Is it possible to give negative fucks? Can the amount of fucks I give about something go less then zero and start sucking in surrounding fucks so the total fuck levels of the universe are reduced by this event horizon of not giving a fuck?
That’s how little of a fuck I give about Tony and his dad.
Harry fucking Potter learned more interesting reveals about his father than this! Harry potter rubs his sweaty wizard wand on this movies boring bullshit!
The only people who have any difficulties are Hawkeye and Blackwidow, who went to get the soul gem (sending the two avengers who don’t have any powers off together, kinda lucky there wasn’t a big monster or something guarding this one!)
To get the soul stone, the person who wants it has to sacrifice someone they love. I dunno what happens if you show up on your own, or with someone you really hate.
Do you have to leave and come back with someone you like? Or is it just the person you like most out of those present?
Both of them think they should be the one to sacrifice themselves, heroic wankers that they are.
These leads to what is supposed to be an emotional scene where the two have a weird sort of fight to determine who gets to jump off the cliff. Unfortunately watching them trip each other up as they run for the cliff or catch each other on ropes is unintentionally hilarious, so when Black Widow finally drops off the cliff and dies it feels more ridiculous than upsetting.
I guess this is them trying to raise the stakes by having a character die…but she died by throwing herself off a cliff after a weird suicide fight, so not exactly very moving.
Our heroes eventually get all the gems and bring them back to the present.
Now am I the only one who was confused that a movie featuring a magical gem called the “time stone” that lets you literally control time involved time travel that DOESN’T use the time gem in anyway?
Anyway Tony does more of his amazing magical science and makes his own infinity gauntlet.
(Another thing Harry Potter does better than this film, his magic is better explained than this goofy sorcery Tony Stark has started doing.)
Hulk uses the gauntlet to snap his fingers and undoes Thanos’s snap so the missing half of all the people come back.
And that’s that.
Hmm, guess we are getting out early, huh?
All the plot threads have been wrapped up by the end of the second act.
So I guess now its time for a musical number or something?
No the movie still has more time and budget to burn, so now we have to ramp up again emotionally for the big finale.
So the movie started awkward and depressed, then it became confusing and tensionless, what surprises does it have lined up for the final act you might wonder?
Get ready for dumb.
Really, really dumb.
And also loud.
But it is ALSO because End Game is movie of three parts.
It is certainly not a traditional three act structure by any means, as the parts don’t really follow on from each other. It’s more like the movie just abruptly changes its tone and what it’s about every so often.
Another curious feature of this movie is that while watching it I kept writing better storylines in my head and then being disappointed.
When Ironman’s daughter was introduced along with time travel, I thought the plot was building towards some kind of Sophie’s Choice where time travel can fix what Thanos did but in the process will erase Tony’s daughter.
Imagine the drama!
This would be especially interesting since in part one Thanos had to sacrifice his own beloved daughter to achieve his goals. Being a villain he was, of course, willing to do it.
Imagine Stark reaching to the time stone/time machine/ whatever makes them time travel, but then looks at his daughter and slumps, unable to do what needs to be done.
Than Thanos taunting him for being weak, and unable to do what is necessary to win.
But then maybe Thanos comes to realise that actually it was Tony who was right, and that Thanos destroyed the things that were really important in his misguided mission.
Then in the end its Thanos that uses the snap to undo is own evil scheme, putting the universe back and going to live in peace with his adopted children.
But of course that would actually be interesting.
SO FUCK THAT!
Instead Hulk lays out time travel rules and makes it clear that you actually cannot change the past, everything is already set.
So everything that has happened in the past cannot be change, but that means the Avengers can do stuff around the edges. For example, they can’t up and murder Thanos, since we know Thanos wasn’t murdered.
However they could steal an Infinity stone when no one was looking and put it back before anyone noticed.
Okay so the cool Sophie’s Choice is out the window, but instead we get the interesting concept of a time heist!
At this point I perked up a bit. I realised that what was being set up was a fun romp through the “greatest hits” of the previous Avengers films, with our heroes sneaking around in the background of their other adventures.
As a way to wrap up the Avengers films, this made a certain sense.
The time travel rule of having to try to change things in ways no one observed at the time struck me as an interesting concept.
I was interested how these unusual rules would play out.
The answer, of course, is that they wouldn’t.
They basically start breaking these rules immediately.
At first I was thinking to myself “how are they going to square that this happened originally?”
Captain America does a retread of the scene from Winter Soldier where he is in the lift with loads of bad guys but this time he whispers “Hail Hydra” to them and they let him leave, thinking he is one of them.
Amusing…but wouldn’t this mean that the hydra agents thought he was in their organisation and when they realised he WASN’T in Hydra they would know he was onto them and that would change how everything happened in Winter Soldier?
A little later they accidentally let Loki escape after the events of Avengers 1. So now the entire ending of that film happened differently.
But then this gets explained because Hulk meets the bald magic woman from the Doctor Strange movie (God damn there are too many fucking characters here) and she says that when they time travel it creates parallel universes and if they take the Infinity stones it will cause some unspecified problem in these alternate universes.
So….guess we are changing the time travel rules half way through now.
We’ve gone from “you can’t change the past” to “you can change it but its an alternate universe so it doesn’t affect the present.”
So I guess Hulk is actually just a fucking moron and was talking total shit about how time travel works.
But if we are now working on alternate time line rules…why are our heroes still sneaking around? Why not just tell their pass selves “We are you guys from the future?”
The whole point of what Hulk said was to set up the time Heist. If what he said was untrue the heist concept makes no sense.
What is odd about this section of the film is how easy the time heist seems.
Most of the stones are collected without any trouble at all.
They have a few problems here and there but pretty soon our heroes have gathered them all up.
Tony Stark even gets to have a one to one with his dad (who doesn’t realise he is talking to his own future son.)
Let me activate some time travel skills of my own and take you back to my Ironman 2 review.
That’s right, we’re doing our own greatest hits right back at ‘em!
In that review I complained that Ironman’s relationship with his dad is really fucking boring.
Basically his dad was distant and spent all his time working, but really loved his son a lot even if he never expressed this very well.
This was a fucking boring reveal in Ironman 2 (“your dad you always looked up to? Actually a really great guy”) So it’s just as boring this time around.
Yeah okay so Tony and his dad loved each other even if they were distant from each other emotionally.
Is it possible to give negative fucks? Can the amount of fucks I give about something go less then zero and start sucking in surrounding fucks so the total fuck levels of the universe are reduced by this event horizon of not giving a fuck?
That’s how little of a fuck I give about Tony and his dad.
Harry fucking Potter learned more interesting reveals about his father than this! Harry potter rubs his sweaty wizard wand on this movies boring bullshit!
The only people who have any difficulties are Hawkeye and Blackwidow, who went to get the soul gem (sending the two avengers who don’t have any powers off together, kinda lucky there wasn’t a big monster or something guarding this one!)
To get the soul stone, the person who wants it has to sacrifice someone they love. I dunno what happens if you show up on your own, or with someone you really hate.
Do you have to leave and come back with someone you like? Or is it just the person you like most out of those present?
Both of them think they should be the one to sacrifice themselves, heroic wankers that they are.
These leads to what is supposed to be an emotional scene where the two have a weird sort of fight to determine who gets to jump off the cliff. Unfortunately watching them trip each other up as they run for the cliff or catch each other on ropes is unintentionally hilarious, so when Black Widow finally drops off the cliff and dies it feels more ridiculous than upsetting.
I guess this is them trying to raise the stakes by having a character die…but she died by throwing herself off a cliff after a weird suicide fight, so not exactly very moving.
Our heroes eventually get all the gems and bring them back to the present.
Now am I the only one who was confused that a movie featuring a magical gem called the “time stone” that lets you literally control time involved time travel that DOESN’T use the time gem in anyway?
Anyway Tony does more of his amazing magical science and makes his own infinity gauntlet.
(Another thing Harry Potter does better than this film, his magic is better explained than this goofy sorcery Tony Stark has started doing.)
Hulk uses the gauntlet to snap his fingers and undoes Thanos’s snap so the missing half of all the people come back.
And that’s that.
Hmm, guess we are getting out early, huh?
All the plot threads have been wrapped up by the end of the second act.
So I guess now its time for a musical number or something?
No the movie still has more time and budget to burn, so now we have to ramp up again emotionally for the big finale.
So the movie started awkward and depressed, then it became confusing and tensionless, what surprises does it have lined up for the final act you might wonder?
Get ready for dumb.
Really, really dumb.
And also loud.
