Post by Harkovast on Dec 16, 2014 0:51:53 GMT
Horton Hears A Review
There may be people who like this movie a lot.
But Hark, who lived in the north of England, did not.
Hark sat through Ice Age one and two (but not three)
He found each of them to be shit as can be.
And Robots was a movie Hark wouldn't call art
Where men are machines, but can somehow still fart.
But since Hollywood loves to rape Dr Seuss,
with re-makes that make people reach for a noose
They let those cartoonists, who made so much shite
Do the newest Seuss movie, all shiny and bright
Horton Hears a Who (in which you'll recall
A person's a person no matter how small.)
It was funny and lively, all in CGI
But Hark didn't like it and I'll tell you why.
Two themes ran right through it, (one intended, one not)
that when noticed revealed that this film was all rot.
The book was a story we all understood
of a brave elephant, who stands for what's good
This Pachyderm would protect any Who
and wouldn't take shit from some damn kangaroo!
But slick looks the film makers had managed to render
aimed to twist Horton's words, just to push their agenda.
The villain was a strawman, of atheist bent
who spewed a deliberately flawed argument
"If you can't see it" she hollered "It's not there at all!"
(To help show that the Godless have minds that are small)
Horton was the faithful (or so goes the subtext)
playing up to the right wing persecution complex
Blind faith is his virtue. Evidence? That's just mush!
A point often claimed by O'Reilly and Rush.
And Glenn Beck would be wanking all night and all day
To see logic and reason attacked in this way
Right wingers, it seems, keep on pushing this line
On Fox News and in that dumb film with Ben Stein
Now Hark was not aiming to knock a religion
to drive out the believers was never his mission
But if there is a God, he imbued us with brains
and to choose not to use them is clearly insane.
But then there's point two that required a rebuttal
Though it wasn't deliberate, it was also unsubtle
Regarding the Major, (and we need to be blunt)
this sexist pig's an insufferable cunt.
He had 96 daughters, but he didn't care
It's only his son that he wanted as mayor
The irony now, to Hark was quite clear
the girls should've cried "We are here! We are here!"
To the film makers Hark had advice he would tender-
"A person's a person, regardless of gender."
Watching such shit left Hark mad as could be
Like an angry Lorax, by a felled Tuffla Tree
He raised his Hark voice and shook his Hark fist
until he came upon one point he had missed
While each person involved in this film was a twat
It still beat Mike Myers doing Cat in the Hat.
There may be people who like this movie a lot.
But Hark, who lived in the north of England, did not.
Hark sat through Ice Age one and two (but not three)
He found each of them to be shit as can be.
And Robots was a movie Hark wouldn't call art
Where men are machines, but can somehow still fart.
But since Hollywood loves to rape Dr Seuss,
with re-makes that make people reach for a noose
They let those cartoonists, who made so much shite
Do the newest Seuss movie, all shiny and bright
Horton Hears a Who (in which you'll recall
A person's a person no matter how small.)
It was funny and lively, all in CGI
But Hark didn't like it and I'll tell you why.
Two themes ran right through it, (one intended, one not)
that when noticed revealed that this film was all rot.
The book was a story we all understood
of a brave elephant, who stands for what's good
This Pachyderm would protect any Who
and wouldn't take shit from some damn kangaroo!
But slick looks the film makers had managed to render
aimed to twist Horton's words, just to push their agenda.
The villain was a strawman, of atheist bent
who spewed a deliberately flawed argument
"If you can't see it" she hollered "It's not there at all!"
(To help show that the Godless have minds that are small)
Horton was the faithful (or so goes the subtext)
playing up to the right wing persecution complex
Blind faith is his virtue. Evidence? That's just mush!
A point often claimed by O'Reilly and Rush.
And Glenn Beck would be wanking all night and all day
To see logic and reason attacked in this way
Right wingers, it seems, keep on pushing this line
On Fox News and in that dumb film with Ben Stein
Now Hark was not aiming to knock a religion
to drive out the believers was never his mission
But if there is a God, he imbued us with brains
and to choose not to use them is clearly insane.
But then there's point two that required a rebuttal
Though it wasn't deliberate, it was also unsubtle
Regarding the Major, (and we need to be blunt)
this sexist pig's an insufferable cunt.
He had 96 daughters, but he didn't care
It's only his son that he wanted as mayor
The irony now, to Hark was quite clear
the girls should've cried "We are here! We are here!"
To the film makers Hark had advice he would tender-
"A person's a person, regardless of gender."
Watching such shit left Hark mad as could be
Like an angry Lorax, by a felled Tuffla Tree
He raised his Hark voice and shook his Hark fist
until he came upon one point he had missed
While each person involved in this film was a twat
It still beat Mike Myers doing Cat in the Hat.