Post by Harkovast on Dec 17, 2017 23:13:59 GMT
The Last Jedi
(Spoiler warning if you haven't seen it. Why are you reading hate reviews on movies you dont want to know the plot of? Are you being tempt by the snark side of the force?)
I liked Force Awakens, but it had problems. It was a movie of highs and lows for me.
One noticeable thing was that the movie set up a lot of mysteries that were left unexplained.
'Who were Rey's parents?'
'Who is Supreme Leader Snoke?
The Force Awakens was partly written by J J Abrams. Abrams loves setting up mysteries, but doesn't give thought to what the solutions to his mysteries will be. He once described it as making a mystery box where you wonder what's in it. The problem with this is that he doesn't give any thought to what the answers to these questions are going to be. So my takeaway was that the film makers had no idea what the answers were going to be, they were just throwing stuff out there to make it seem cool and interesting.
But now comes Last Jedi....and it's time to pony up some answers....
The film opens with the Star Wars text crawl telling us that the Republic has collapsed and the First Order now rule the Galaxy.
This is as much of this Galaxy-wide conquest as we will see. No really.
The Galaxy gets taken over off camera between movies, even though no time has passed from the last movie and this one picks up exactly where the last Finished...or...err... 10 minutes before.
If you thought the Republic were weirdly not shown in the last one, in this one I'm not sure they even get another mention after the text crawl.
The film opens with the Resistance ships fleeing the planet they were on at the end of the last film.
The First Order shows up with a new ship called a Dreadnought, with giant cannons on its underside to bombard the planet.
At this point, Poe Dameron, the pilot guy from the first film flies out to the first order on his own.
The First Order leader, General Hux (shouldn't he be an admiral on a space ship?) messages him saying "prepare to be destroyed, Rebel Scum," or something to that effect and Poe responds as if he can't hear him, asking to be put through to Hux.
Hux gives him another threat, and Poe continues to act as if he can't hear. This goes back and forth a few times.
And then I got this horrible sinking feeling.
The whole scene was being played for laughs.
The bad guys weren't scary, they were inept morons who could be stalled by just pretending the radio doesn't work while the other good guys escape.
By the time the bad guys figure out what's going on, Poe has charged up his engines and flies across the surface of the dreadnaught shooting off all of its guns. I mean literally all of them. He takes out every turret on the top of it (though the big guns under it that act as the ticking clock for this scene are still there on the under side).
The bad guys apparently can't hit him because he's too small and by the time they deploy their fighters, he's already fucked the dreadnought up.
This is the first time we've seen this supposedly fearsome new ship and it's already getting taken apart by ONE Resistance fighter.
Why am I still calling them the resistance? They are just the rebels.
No I am not being snarky there, the movie agrees with me. As it proceeds the phrase rebel gets said more and more and the resistance is mentioned less and less. By the end they are talking about "The Rebellion". If in the next film the First Order is declared an Empire, I won't be shocked.
At this point in the cinema I turned to my wife and said "This is dreadful".
And it really was.
The bad guys are a joke, their weapons are useless, the good guys casually outwit them with childish tricks and then run rings around them in the battles.
I wasn't excited, I was embarrassed.
The bad guys state that a fighter can take out all their weapons, but not destroy their ship (I don't know why you need to destroy ships after destroying all their weapons, but still...) So the good guys send in their big bomber craft. Apparently these space ships have to literally fly over enemy vessels and drop their bombs like ww2 bombers, which seems a weird way to fight in space (why do the bombs drop in zero gravity?) but what do I know? Princess Leia warns against this but Poe won't listen and just orders the attack anyway. I guess in the Rebellion you can do what ever you feel like.
The bombers get blasted by Tie fighters, and most of them get destroyed, but the last one gets through and a woman on board with a moon necklace manages to open the bomb bays before her ship blows up. The bombs blow the dreadnought ship to buggery.
The rest of the Empire ships just sit and watch this happen, they don't open fire on the rebels or launch fighters, they just sit there doing nothing while the Dreadnought gets destroyed.
Once the good guys have escaped, Leia points out that Poe's plan have destroyed all of their bombers. The Empire has huge numbers of ships, so losing one big crappy vessel clearly won't mean anything to them, where as the rebels are down to just those few vessels they have present. But Poe is seemingly too stupid to understand this and just throws lives away for his own person aggrandisement.
Did I mention I hate Poe? I hate Poe. Just say no....to Poe.
Leia demotes him, but as we are quickly learning the rebels barely have a command structure so I don't think it maters what job title you get.
Meanwhile Rey meets up with Luke and hands him the light Saber, repeating the end to the Force Awakens.
He takes it, tosses it over his shoulder, over a cliff, and walks off.
As always, every moment of drama has to be defused with stupid comedy, just in case we started to think any of this shit matters.
Luke won't talk to Rey, telling her to go away and refusing to listen to her.
Eventually Chewbacca comes over and convinces Luke to listen and Rey tells him that the Rebels need him to come fight the Empire.
She reiterates this point in various ways about half a dozen times over the course of the movie. I have no idea why this particular piece of information was considered vitally important for the film makers to bring it up again and again. Most of her scenes with Luke include her emphasising this point.
Luke seems washed up, depressed and miserable. We learn he's lost faith in the force, the Jedi and pretty much everything. Yeah...not how you hoped things would go after Return of the Jedi, huh? Kinda makes it all feel like a depressing waste of time, doesn't it?
Okay, credit where its due time, cause Hark is an asshole but at least he's fair while he does it.
Mark Hamil is awesome.
In this movie he steals every scene he's in. Even when what Luke is saying seems stupid and horribly out of character, Hamil really sells it wonderfully.
I wish the movie was just about him and not all these other boring assholes.
And believe me, this mother is chock full of boring assholes. In this film Rey is dull as death, just hanging around the same information to Luke for most of the movie.
But the rot spreads to everyone else, as we shall see...
Anyway, Luke gets a good line about "What do you expect me to do? Take on the entire First Order with my laser sword?"
What's funny is there isn't really an answer because ...yeah, basically that IS what they were hoping he would do.
Meanwhile Kylo Ren goes to see Supreme Leader Snoke.
Snoke is a skinny alien guy with weird scars and holes in his head who dresses in a snazzy gold dressing gown. He flat out stats that General Hux is a loser and then proceeds to berate Ren, telling him what a loser he is.
Why does he do this? So we know he's evil I guess.
It seems if you are going to train a powerful force warrior in the darkside...maybe making him hate you isn't the best idea? This also seems totally at odds with how Snoke behaved in the last film. He wasn't very interesting in the last film, but he didn't seem to be insulting or demeaning people every chance he got. He seems quite respectful of Hux and Ren's abilities. He made a point at the end of the last film he wanted Ren brought back to him to complete his training.
If Snoke looks like a horrible monster and acts like a total prick all the time...why does anyone listen to him? I mean he convinced Ren to work for him and has all these loyal Imperial officers, how did he do it? I'd run a mile from this sketchy freak, and when he's beating people up with the force and insulting them, why keep working for him?
None of these questions are addressed in the movie. I know nothing more about Snoke after watching this movie than I did going in...other than maybe he's a bit dumber than I expected an has poor peripheral vision (more on that later.)
He's just Evil Leader Guy, who leads the evil guys when they are doing evil guy stuff.
Meanwhile, back with the rebel fleet, the Empire shows up again and we learn they can now track people even at light speed, making it pretty impossible to escape them.
Why does the first order keep inventing stuff? Who are these scientists they have that are so much better than everyone else? Last movie they could drain a sun for power to make a weapon that can fire across the galaxy to destroy whole solar systems. Now they can track vessels even if they go faster than the speed of light.
Honestly, what did the republic ever invent?
The bad guys send their fighters and destroy the hangar with the good guy's fighters, including Poe's, which was charred to bits, and proceed to fire rockets at the bridge.
Kylo is with the fighters but hesitates from firing on the bridge, since he senses Leia is there.
The bridge is blown up and Leia is sent hurtling into space.
Now since Carrie Fisher passed away after filming, I assumed this would be where Leia is killed off.
So she's floating through space and starts to get iced over and after some time, she starts to move a little bit. I thought at first this was her passing on and becoming one with the force.
Turns out no, she literally just de-ices herself...with the force I guess?
After coming back to life, she uses the force to...okay I need to stop a second. This next bit is true, I swear I'm not making shit up to fuck with you or describing it badly to make it seem worse....
So she reaches out her hand and uses the force to fly back to the ship.
Princess Leia flies.
Through space.
Like superman.
She flies back to the ship, and they open the door and let her back in. I don't know why they can open the bridge door when the bridge has depressurised, but if the force can let you come back to life, protect you in space and let you fly, I guess it can render parts of a spaceship air tight too.
Interestingly these are force powers we have never seen before, meaning Leia is incredibly powerful in the force. If she's so powerful...why didn't she train Rey? Seems weird that they need Luke to do it when Leia is able to perform miracles on a whim.
After this Leia doesn't do much in the rest of the film, as she is put in a coma. Even when she does wake up later she doesn't really do anything. She doesn't even make any leadership decisions, so I've no idea why they put this scene in.
I know they didn't know she would die while filming, but even if believe Carrie will still be around, this whole sequence is just baffling in its stupidity.
They mention afterwards that Admiral Akbar was also killed, off camera. What a nice send off for a beloved character.
Interestingly Lando's co-pilot alien guy from Return of the Jedi is amongst the good guys as well, but I think he survived at the end, so at least one of our beloved side characters didn't get totally humiliated and killed. He never does anything, but at least he didn't die off camera.
The bad guys then give an order to their fighters to return to the motherships, as they are getting out of range for the big ships to support.
So I guess fighters can't fight big ships without support.
But hang on...just a little bit ago one lone fighters was taking out all the cannons on a giant battle ship and the ship was helpless to stop him without fighter support.
So...which is it?
Are battle ships useless against fighters, or fighters useless against battle ships?
Even if the fighters will get killed without support...why do the Empire suddenly care about Tie fighters? They have thousands of them. Just send them in en masse and blast the ship's engines. If a load get destroyed, what does it matter? Once they kill these rebels, the war is over and they win, so just go for it.
This weird rule change is required to set up the main plot of the film.
The good guy ships are faster and can stay at the distance where the bad guys guns can hit them, but not get through their shields. This distance doesn't seem terribly far on the screen. The bad guys now can't send fighters because...reasons.
So now the only thing they can do is trundle along behind the good guys, waiting for them to run out of fuel.
And this slow boring chase that will take about 18 hours in movie time and feel like 18 hours for the audience is the entire stakes of the film.
Now I just suggested an obvious solution for the Empire to use (suicide Tie attack) but I'm sure you are already thinking of ideas of your own on what to do.
Send a message to summon some faster attack ships.
Light speed in front of the rebels to head them off.
Send boarding craft to take the enemy vessels or disable its key systems.
You can probably think of more.
But the Empire are a joke at this point, so slowly driving behind the rebels, waiting for their fuel to run out is the best they can come up with.
Finn (remember Finn? From the first film? Remember him? Yeah he's actually in this film it turns out) tries to leave the good guy ship to go find Rey. An engineer woman called Rose stops him, fan girls a bit about how cool he is and then, thinking he's a deserter, stuns him.
Fin is a former storm trooper, but this plot point is basically meaningless at this point. Rose even mentions this while fan girling. There is no one suspecting he might be a spy ("I bet he's the reason the First Order can Find us!") or disliking him for being a former enemy. The whole potential drama of that is completely forgotten.
Between him and Rose they work out how the First Order's Hyperspace tracking must work (no really.) I'm not sure how you can work out how a piece of technology you previously thought was impossible would work, especially during a chat while walking down a corridor, but there you go.
By the way, if you build a time machine, remember to keep the flux capacitor charged to the same frequency as the time circuits. Yeah I know time machines are impossible and don't exist, but I just realised how they worked while typing this out. Makes as much sense as the shit in this movie!
So Rose and Finn go to see Poe to tell him their plan to get onto the enemy main ship and take out the tracking device, which they now know everything about (let me tell you how to build a working teleporter later by the way. I figured that out while typing this.)
The new rebel leader is a purple haired woman (she was in Jurassic Park, with normal coloured hair) who doesn't like Poe much (maybe because he's an insufferable idiot?) So Poe decides to ignore her and help arrange this mission.
They contact the little orange woman from the last film, the CGI one with eyes like buttholes, who tells them to go to a particular planet, go in a casino, Find a guy with a red flower on his shirt and he will help them crack the first order codes and get on their ship.
Okay...a few problems.
In fact, lets make a list...
1- If code crackers can get you onto enemy ships, why don't' the rebels have loads of code breakers? Why don't the Empire?
2-If, once they have the code, they can board the Empire ship, that seems to suggest that boarding is an option, why aren't the First Order working there own code breakers and trying to counter board the enemy ship instead of the stupid chase shit?
3-How are they able to contact asshole-eyes without the Empire intercepting the signal?
4- Why do they have a secure line to rectum-eyes? Isn't she just the owner of a destroyed pub?
5- If they can leave the ship to go get a code breaker, why don't more of them leave? Why aren't they evacuating this way?
6-If the first order can track light speed jumps, won't they track the small ship when it jumps away?
7- If the Empire can't track them because they are focused on just the main Rebel vessel, why not load people on the other ships and have them jump away to different locations?
8-Why does Poe have a secret communicator to reach old Brown-eyes which he has access to and can use without anyone else on the ship knowing? Doesn't this mean a spy could easily send out information to their enemies, like if Finn decided he wanted to rejoin the Empire or someone wanted to cut a deal to not get killed? Are their no controls on communication from the rebel flag ship?
9-Why are they given such shit directions? Does this code breaker go to the same casino EVERYDAY wearing the exact same clothes? Why doesn't Sphincter-eyes give them a name? Or what species he is? Considering they have less than a day to find the guy and get back, shouldn't she be more specific?
10- If the plan is to jump away and jump back, that means very precise jumps are possible, so why can't the bad guys just have a couple of ships jump in front of the good guys fleet?
I'm sure you can think of more problems yourself.
So Finn and Rose fly off in a little ship to a casino planet with loads of rich people on.
This planet is boring as fuck.
The casino is just a like real casino, with tall drinks glasses, lots of gold chips, long craps tables with dice to throw down them, and slot machines. The only thing sci fi is a few CGI aliens going around (so much for the promises of practical effects, huh?)
Finn and Rose have no chemistry and nothing interesting to talk about in this dull setting, so the whole sequence is lifeless and boring.
We learn that the rich people on the planet are arms dealers, who got rich selling weapons to the first order and have child slave labour. I would think after the prequels, Star Wars would have learned to avoid cute kids as child slaves plots, but here we are.
Eventually they get arrested before they can meet the guy they are looking for because they parked their shuttle illegally. No really, that's what actually happens, in a Star Wars film.
This strange, unfunny, jokey tone is at odds with the child slavery and is a good example of the confused tone of this film.
In prison, Rose and Finn meet another codebreaker guy who says he will help them if they pay him. They refuse so he just opens the cell and escapes, letting them out in the process. Sure, why not?
On the way out he meets up with BB8, who has beaten up and tied up the guards. yes, BB8, the little round ball robot.
Just don't ask.
Rose and Finn get to the stables where cute slave kids give them a herd of CGI animals to ride on and they all go charging off through the casino and city, smashing things, crashing through walls and feeling rather like a Harry Potter film.
Now, lets just stop for a second.
What the fuck am I talking about?
Riding around on animals? Casinos? What the fuck has any of this bullshit got to do with the movie or the plot? Pretty much none. We are just padding out the run time with irrelevant nonsense at this stage.
BB8 and the rogue codebreaker have stolen a space ship (BB8 can do what ever he wants now. I want to see him fight Leia to find out who is the most powerful being in the universe!)
Codebreaker man agrees to help with the promise of getting paid later by the resistance. He also wants Rose's moon necklace, which is the other half of the one from the lady on the bomber at the start. I forgot to mention this because I don't care about Rose or her sister. I just marginally prefer the sister because she's dead.
Meanwhile, back at the good guys' fleet, Poe gets angry that the purple haired admiral woman wants to evacuate.
He calls her a coward and a traitor, which in a normal military would get you arrested, but the rebels are pretty casual, so you can just insult the chain of command and no one cares. Their failure to respond to his insubordination bites them in the ass as Poe and some of his chums pull out guns and take over the main rebel ship, preventing the transports from leaving. Eventually the rebels storm the bridge and Leia, now recovered, stuns Poe. Afterwards, Leia and Purple Hair sort of roll their eyes and say how hot headed Poe is and how they both like him.
Yeah, a bit of friendly mutiny, what a loveable scamp!
We later learn that Purple Hair's plan is for them to take the transports to a nearby planet where they can hide, and rather then just fleeing aimlessly into space as Poe assumed.
Why didn't Purple Hair tell everyone the plan? It's not like she was keeping it secret for security reasons, as just knowing about the transports is enough to ruin the plan, so why leave off the detail about where they were going?
The reason is to create drama and tension for the audience. If the characters just explained themselves properly, there wouldn't be any drama and the movie would be about half as long.
Later on it turns out that Poe doing this stupid shit helps get lots of people killed, so that's another big win for Poe.
Seriously, maybe Hux isn't the buffoon I assumed. Failing to kill Poe is the greatest blow ever struck against the rebels!
Finn and co get onto the main Imperial ship, head to destroy the device that they previously didn't believe was possible but now know everything about.
They are noticed by an evil black BB8 Unit, which I found hilarious, though nothing comes of this so I don't know why its even in the movie except as a new toy to sell (I saw one on sale outside the cinema.)
The rogue codebreaker guy uses the little moon necklace as a circuit breaker to open a door as it's made of a very conductive material apparently and is exactly the right size he needs. How fortunate! He then returns the item to Rose, making it seem like he might not be too bad. But then ITS A TWIST as he has betrayed them and Rose and Finn get captured. The smuggler gets paid a load of cash and departs, after telling the first order about the transports.
Please note, the transports would have gotten away had Poe not launched this dumb ass mission. So Poe has now not only delayed the escape, but doomed it.
Ever since he blew up Star Killer Base in part one, it's been all down hill for poor old Poe, he can't stop fucking up and getting everyone killed.
The movie clearly doesn't intend for me to hate this foolhardy moron, and all the other characters seem completely okay with his total incompetence. By the end of movie Leia is deferring to his leadership, making her survival even more pointless. Between him and Purple Hair, Leia doesn't seem to have anything to do in this movie.
So the Empire start blowing up the transports, which I guess is meant to be upsetting but here are two groups of totally incompetent jokers fighting for shit I don't care about. I didn't want either side to win at this point as I've nothing but contempt for any of them.
While this was going on Rey was hanging around with Luke. He kind of trains her a little bit, but not really. We learn that in a moment of fear he considered murdering Kylo Ren, but Kylo Ren saw him with his lightsaber posed, and fought him, thus causing Kylo to join the dark side.
So Luke, the guy who believed even Vader can be saved, saw evil in a kid and considered maybe just murdering him. It's certainly a ...different interpretation on the character.
By the way, Mark Hamil thought Luke was totally out of character in this film, and he would know.
Rey starts having a weird psychic connection to Kylo letting them see each other and talk to each other across the galaxy.
Deciding Luke is a useless asshole she goes to see Kylo on the First Order command ship, where she gets captured and is brought to see Snoke.
Snoke does more evil villain gloating, like the boring evil CGI bastard that he is. He says that he will find Skywalker's location from her, then kill him and her and there will be no more Jedi.
Why...does Snoke want to kill the Jedi again? Is he a Sith or some kind of bad Jedi? Skywalker is living as a hermit on an island, why is he so important? I have no idea what Snoke's motivations are and beyond "he's evil" I can't explain his motivations at all.
He was the one that made Kylo and Rey see each other and talk to each other across the galaxy because the force does what ever the hell we want it to do. For some reason he thought this would cause Rey to come to Kylo. (Maybe attracted by his naked torso as we see in one scene, where Rey asks him to put a robe on..its as weird and uncomfortable as it sounds.)
I can't quite explain how that plan was supposed to work, but it did so I guess we should just move on.
Snoke is going to have Kylo kill Rey and gloats that Rey can't turn Kylo good. He says he can see Kylo's thoughts and Kylo is thinking on turning on his light saber and killing his true enemy.
As he says this, Rey's lightsaber is sat on the side of Snoke's throne and Kylo moves it with his mind and turns it on, stabbing Snoke. See? See what they did there? Snoke was his true enemy! Though how Kylo's own thoughts are in such vague terms I have no idea.
As mentioned, if Snoke just had better peripheral vision he could have ruled the galaxy!
Kylo pulled the sabre over to him, chopping Snoke into bits.
Him and Rey then join forces to beat up Snoke's red body guards in a big, overly choreographed fight sequence.
After this Kylo refuses to try to stop the Empire from blowing up the Rebel Transports. He says that it's time to let go of the past and start over, with him and Rey ruling the galaxy.
Now I think the movie makers wanted me to go "No! Rey don't listen to him!"
But my response was "yeah' that makes sense, they should join forces."
The Empire failed, the Republic failed, the first order and the resistance are jokers, even Luke doesn't want the Jedi back, so why the hell not?
There isn't an implication here that Rey would have to turn to the dark side, and having a dark sider and a light sider working side by side could be a way to finally peace to the galaxy. Couldn't be any worse than the stupid organisations that have fucked up the galaxy so far.
But that might be interesting so Rey refuses, they uses the force at each other a bit.
What is her alternative?
Just keep fighting?
We've already seen how pointless that is.
They've been blasting each other for 5 movies and the Empire and rebels are still going at it (and that's not to mention all the fighting in the prequels). No one offers any solution to the fighting beyond "kill everyone on the other side" There is no ideological conflict here, just two sides blasting at each other.
The two of them use the force to pull on a lightsaber between each other till it snaps.
Yeah the movie has literally come down to two people pulling on a lightsaber.
The lightsaber breaks in two and explodes knocking them both over backwards,
Purple Hair admiral stayed behind on the rebel big ship while everyone else escaped (Rather than Leia...because for some reason we are desperate to keep Leia alive in this film) She realises that the transports are all getting blown up, moves her ship to aim at the big Empire ship and activates the hyper drive, destroying her ship along with loads of Empire ships and cutting their big lead ship in half.
If this is a viable tactic...why didn't the rebels do this right away, with all their ships? Why don't they put program droids to fly ships at their enemies and then turn on the hyper drives? Apparently doing this you can take out even the most massive, ridiculous vessels instantly.
Finn and Rose are about to get executed but the rebel ship ramming happens just at that moment and saves them at the last second (who would have guessed?) This blows up lots of first order guys around them, but they are unharmed (they are so lucky, huh?)
Phasma, the silver armoured storm trooper woman is back (despite the last film making her turn out to be a worthless coward who surrenders all the information about the bad guys plans at even the slightest threat and is then thrown down a garbage chute. I guess she's meant to be scary again for some reason.)
Interestingly, Rose shoots at her and the shot bounces off her armour. I think this might be the first time someone's body armour has done anything against blasters in Star Wars. Give this shit to more troopers!
Troopers shoot at Rose but she keeps hiding behind boxes various and this seems to completely counter them. The Storm Troopers should learn this "hide behind a box" tactic.
Finn fights Phasma with an energy club thing against her staff and eventually says a quip and clubs her around the head.
While they are doing this, BB8 takes over an Imperial Walker. I don't know how he got into it but then the top of it falls off so we can see him on top of it driving around shooting all the troopers, who for some reason can't shoot him back.
This astoundingly stupid imagery is playing out in the back ground behind Finn and Phasma fighting in a very badly staged scene. I was being distracted but stupid shit in the background so was missing the actual important fighting in the foreground.
Getting clubbed damages Phasma's helmet and we can see one of her eyes.
This bit gets really uncomfortable, as seeing her eye feels like a reminder that she is a human being, not just a faceless drone. Under that armour, she and all the storm troopers are people just like Finn.
Finn and the film makers seem oblivious to this and he trades quips with the injured Phasma before the ground around her collapses and she falls into a fiery pit.
What did we learn here? What is this about?
He hit her with a club and she fell into a hole.
Okay let me give you a quick alternative version I just came up with today-
What if when Finn is brought out before the storm troopers to be killed he started shouting "Don't listen to them! The first order is lying to you! They don't care about any of you!" like he's trying to wake up the storm troopers, as he was woken up to the truth.
But he looks out and sees rows of blank white masks.
However, perhaps we see a couple of troopers move their helmets a little, suggesting perhaps his words are having an impact on some of them.
Finally Phama hits him in the guts to silence him.
Then, later, when Phasma fights Finn and he breaks her mask he is about to kill her he makes eye contact with her and stops, realising she is a person and killing her won't help anything. He then reaches out to try to save her, but she refuses to take his hand and plunges to her death.
I dunno, I've never been paid to write anything in my life, but you tell me which version sounds more interesting.
Finn and co jump on BB8's robot walker (Christ I don't want to live on this planet anymore) and escape to a ship to get away.
General Hux goes to to see Kylo (hilariously you can see the ship they are on has been cut in half out the window...but I guess no rush to leave, huh?)
Kylo claims Rey killed Snoke and declares himself the new supreme leader and then strangles Hux till he agrees.
An interesting system of succession, I think you will agree.
Hux at this point is a walking punchline that takes literal prat falls as he goes from being force tossed around by Snoke to force tossed around by Kylo.
I remember I really liked his character in the first film. This young, ranting fanatic, trying to prove himself and having a tense rivalry with Kylo.
But now he does everything short of dropping his trousers for a cheap laugh.
The remaining rebels escape the planet, and Snoke is dead after a climatic final confrontation, so that brings this terrible movie to the end.
(Spoiler warning if you haven't seen it. Why are you reading hate reviews on movies you dont want to know the plot of? Are you being tempt by the snark side of the force?)
I liked Force Awakens, but it had problems. It was a movie of highs and lows for me.
One noticeable thing was that the movie set up a lot of mysteries that were left unexplained.
'Who were Rey's parents?'
'Who is Supreme Leader Snoke?
The Force Awakens was partly written by J J Abrams. Abrams loves setting up mysteries, but doesn't give thought to what the solutions to his mysteries will be. He once described it as making a mystery box where you wonder what's in it. The problem with this is that he doesn't give any thought to what the answers to these questions are going to be. So my takeaway was that the film makers had no idea what the answers were going to be, they were just throwing stuff out there to make it seem cool and interesting.
But now comes Last Jedi....and it's time to pony up some answers....
The film opens with the Star Wars text crawl telling us that the Republic has collapsed and the First Order now rule the Galaxy.
This is as much of this Galaxy-wide conquest as we will see. No really.
The Galaxy gets taken over off camera between movies, even though no time has passed from the last movie and this one picks up exactly where the last Finished...or...err... 10 minutes before.
If you thought the Republic were weirdly not shown in the last one, in this one I'm not sure they even get another mention after the text crawl.
The film opens with the Resistance ships fleeing the planet they were on at the end of the last film.
The First Order shows up with a new ship called a Dreadnought, with giant cannons on its underside to bombard the planet.
At this point, Poe Dameron, the pilot guy from the first film flies out to the first order on his own.
The First Order leader, General Hux (shouldn't he be an admiral on a space ship?) messages him saying "prepare to be destroyed, Rebel Scum," or something to that effect and Poe responds as if he can't hear him, asking to be put through to Hux.
Hux gives him another threat, and Poe continues to act as if he can't hear. This goes back and forth a few times.
And then I got this horrible sinking feeling.
The whole scene was being played for laughs.
The bad guys weren't scary, they were inept morons who could be stalled by just pretending the radio doesn't work while the other good guys escape.
By the time the bad guys figure out what's going on, Poe has charged up his engines and flies across the surface of the dreadnaught shooting off all of its guns. I mean literally all of them. He takes out every turret on the top of it (though the big guns under it that act as the ticking clock for this scene are still there on the under side).
The bad guys apparently can't hit him because he's too small and by the time they deploy their fighters, he's already fucked the dreadnought up.
This is the first time we've seen this supposedly fearsome new ship and it's already getting taken apart by ONE Resistance fighter.
Why am I still calling them the resistance? They are just the rebels.
No I am not being snarky there, the movie agrees with me. As it proceeds the phrase rebel gets said more and more and the resistance is mentioned less and less. By the end they are talking about "The Rebellion". If in the next film the First Order is declared an Empire, I won't be shocked.
At this point in the cinema I turned to my wife and said "This is dreadful".
And it really was.
The bad guys are a joke, their weapons are useless, the good guys casually outwit them with childish tricks and then run rings around them in the battles.
I wasn't excited, I was embarrassed.
The bad guys state that a fighter can take out all their weapons, but not destroy their ship (I don't know why you need to destroy ships after destroying all their weapons, but still...) So the good guys send in their big bomber craft. Apparently these space ships have to literally fly over enemy vessels and drop their bombs like ww2 bombers, which seems a weird way to fight in space (why do the bombs drop in zero gravity?) but what do I know? Princess Leia warns against this but Poe won't listen and just orders the attack anyway. I guess in the Rebellion you can do what ever you feel like.
The bombers get blasted by Tie fighters, and most of them get destroyed, but the last one gets through and a woman on board with a moon necklace manages to open the bomb bays before her ship blows up. The bombs blow the dreadnought ship to buggery.
The rest of the Empire ships just sit and watch this happen, they don't open fire on the rebels or launch fighters, they just sit there doing nothing while the Dreadnought gets destroyed.
Once the good guys have escaped, Leia points out that Poe's plan have destroyed all of their bombers. The Empire has huge numbers of ships, so losing one big crappy vessel clearly won't mean anything to them, where as the rebels are down to just those few vessels they have present. But Poe is seemingly too stupid to understand this and just throws lives away for his own person aggrandisement.
Did I mention I hate Poe? I hate Poe. Just say no....to Poe.
Leia demotes him, but as we are quickly learning the rebels barely have a command structure so I don't think it maters what job title you get.
Meanwhile Rey meets up with Luke and hands him the light Saber, repeating the end to the Force Awakens.
He takes it, tosses it over his shoulder, over a cliff, and walks off.
As always, every moment of drama has to be defused with stupid comedy, just in case we started to think any of this shit matters.
Luke won't talk to Rey, telling her to go away and refusing to listen to her.
Eventually Chewbacca comes over and convinces Luke to listen and Rey tells him that the Rebels need him to come fight the Empire.
She reiterates this point in various ways about half a dozen times over the course of the movie. I have no idea why this particular piece of information was considered vitally important for the film makers to bring it up again and again. Most of her scenes with Luke include her emphasising this point.
Luke seems washed up, depressed and miserable. We learn he's lost faith in the force, the Jedi and pretty much everything. Yeah...not how you hoped things would go after Return of the Jedi, huh? Kinda makes it all feel like a depressing waste of time, doesn't it?
Okay, credit where its due time, cause Hark is an asshole but at least he's fair while he does it.
Mark Hamil is awesome.
In this movie he steals every scene he's in. Even when what Luke is saying seems stupid and horribly out of character, Hamil really sells it wonderfully.
I wish the movie was just about him and not all these other boring assholes.
And believe me, this mother is chock full of boring assholes. In this film Rey is dull as death, just hanging around the same information to Luke for most of the movie.
But the rot spreads to everyone else, as we shall see...
Anyway, Luke gets a good line about "What do you expect me to do? Take on the entire First Order with my laser sword?"
What's funny is there isn't really an answer because ...yeah, basically that IS what they were hoping he would do.
Meanwhile Kylo Ren goes to see Supreme Leader Snoke.
Snoke is a skinny alien guy with weird scars and holes in his head who dresses in a snazzy gold dressing gown. He flat out stats that General Hux is a loser and then proceeds to berate Ren, telling him what a loser he is.
Why does he do this? So we know he's evil I guess.
It seems if you are going to train a powerful force warrior in the darkside...maybe making him hate you isn't the best idea? This also seems totally at odds with how Snoke behaved in the last film. He wasn't very interesting in the last film, but he didn't seem to be insulting or demeaning people every chance he got. He seems quite respectful of Hux and Ren's abilities. He made a point at the end of the last film he wanted Ren brought back to him to complete his training.
If Snoke looks like a horrible monster and acts like a total prick all the time...why does anyone listen to him? I mean he convinced Ren to work for him and has all these loyal Imperial officers, how did he do it? I'd run a mile from this sketchy freak, and when he's beating people up with the force and insulting them, why keep working for him?
None of these questions are addressed in the movie. I know nothing more about Snoke after watching this movie than I did going in...other than maybe he's a bit dumber than I expected an has poor peripheral vision (more on that later.)
He's just Evil Leader Guy, who leads the evil guys when they are doing evil guy stuff.
Meanwhile, back with the rebel fleet, the Empire shows up again and we learn they can now track people even at light speed, making it pretty impossible to escape them.
Why does the first order keep inventing stuff? Who are these scientists they have that are so much better than everyone else? Last movie they could drain a sun for power to make a weapon that can fire across the galaxy to destroy whole solar systems. Now they can track vessels even if they go faster than the speed of light.
Honestly, what did the republic ever invent?
The bad guys send their fighters and destroy the hangar with the good guy's fighters, including Poe's, which was charred to bits, and proceed to fire rockets at the bridge.
Kylo is with the fighters but hesitates from firing on the bridge, since he senses Leia is there.
The bridge is blown up and Leia is sent hurtling into space.
Now since Carrie Fisher passed away after filming, I assumed this would be where Leia is killed off.
So she's floating through space and starts to get iced over and after some time, she starts to move a little bit. I thought at first this was her passing on and becoming one with the force.
Turns out no, she literally just de-ices herself...with the force I guess?
After coming back to life, she uses the force to...okay I need to stop a second. This next bit is true, I swear I'm not making shit up to fuck with you or describing it badly to make it seem worse....
So she reaches out her hand and uses the force to fly back to the ship.
Princess Leia flies.
Through space.
Like superman.
She flies back to the ship, and they open the door and let her back in. I don't know why they can open the bridge door when the bridge has depressurised, but if the force can let you come back to life, protect you in space and let you fly, I guess it can render parts of a spaceship air tight too.
Interestingly these are force powers we have never seen before, meaning Leia is incredibly powerful in the force. If she's so powerful...why didn't she train Rey? Seems weird that they need Luke to do it when Leia is able to perform miracles on a whim.
After this Leia doesn't do much in the rest of the film, as she is put in a coma. Even when she does wake up later she doesn't really do anything. She doesn't even make any leadership decisions, so I've no idea why they put this scene in.
I know they didn't know she would die while filming, but even if believe Carrie will still be around, this whole sequence is just baffling in its stupidity.
They mention afterwards that Admiral Akbar was also killed, off camera. What a nice send off for a beloved character.
Interestingly Lando's co-pilot alien guy from Return of the Jedi is amongst the good guys as well, but I think he survived at the end, so at least one of our beloved side characters didn't get totally humiliated and killed. He never does anything, but at least he didn't die off camera.
The bad guys then give an order to their fighters to return to the motherships, as they are getting out of range for the big ships to support.
So I guess fighters can't fight big ships without support.
But hang on...just a little bit ago one lone fighters was taking out all the cannons on a giant battle ship and the ship was helpless to stop him without fighter support.
So...which is it?
Are battle ships useless against fighters, or fighters useless against battle ships?
Even if the fighters will get killed without support...why do the Empire suddenly care about Tie fighters? They have thousands of them. Just send them in en masse and blast the ship's engines. If a load get destroyed, what does it matter? Once they kill these rebels, the war is over and they win, so just go for it.
This weird rule change is required to set up the main plot of the film.
The good guy ships are faster and can stay at the distance where the bad guys guns can hit them, but not get through their shields. This distance doesn't seem terribly far on the screen. The bad guys now can't send fighters because...reasons.
So now the only thing they can do is trundle along behind the good guys, waiting for them to run out of fuel.
And this slow boring chase that will take about 18 hours in movie time and feel like 18 hours for the audience is the entire stakes of the film.
Now I just suggested an obvious solution for the Empire to use (suicide Tie attack) but I'm sure you are already thinking of ideas of your own on what to do.
Send a message to summon some faster attack ships.
Light speed in front of the rebels to head them off.
Send boarding craft to take the enemy vessels or disable its key systems.
You can probably think of more.
But the Empire are a joke at this point, so slowly driving behind the rebels, waiting for their fuel to run out is the best they can come up with.
Finn (remember Finn? From the first film? Remember him? Yeah he's actually in this film it turns out) tries to leave the good guy ship to go find Rey. An engineer woman called Rose stops him, fan girls a bit about how cool he is and then, thinking he's a deserter, stuns him.
Fin is a former storm trooper, but this plot point is basically meaningless at this point. Rose even mentions this while fan girling. There is no one suspecting he might be a spy ("I bet he's the reason the First Order can Find us!") or disliking him for being a former enemy. The whole potential drama of that is completely forgotten.
Between him and Rose they work out how the First Order's Hyperspace tracking must work (no really.) I'm not sure how you can work out how a piece of technology you previously thought was impossible would work, especially during a chat while walking down a corridor, but there you go.
By the way, if you build a time machine, remember to keep the flux capacitor charged to the same frequency as the time circuits. Yeah I know time machines are impossible and don't exist, but I just realised how they worked while typing this out. Makes as much sense as the shit in this movie!
So Rose and Finn go to see Poe to tell him their plan to get onto the enemy main ship and take out the tracking device, which they now know everything about (let me tell you how to build a working teleporter later by the way. I figured that out while typing this.)
The new rebel leader is a purple haired woman (she was in Jurassic Park, with normal coloured hair) who doesn't like Poe much (maybe because he's an insufferable idiot?) So Poe decides to ignore her and help arrange this mission.
They contact the little orange woman from the last film, the CGI one with eyes like buttholes, who tells them to go to a particular planet, go in a casino, Find a guy with a red flower on his shirt and he will help them crack the first order codes and get on their ship.
Okay...a few problems.
In fact, lets make a list...
1- If code crackers can get you onto enemy ships, why don't' the rebels have loads of code breakers? Why don't the Empire?
2-If, once they have the code, they can board the Empire ship, that seems to suggest that boarding is an option, why aren't the First Order working there own code breakers and trying to counter board the enemy ship instead of the stupid chase shit?
3-How are they able to contact asshole-eyes without the Empire intercepting the signal?
4- Why do they have a secure line to rectum-eyes? Isn't she just the owner of a destroyed pub?
5- If they can leave the ship to go get a code breaker, why don't more of them leave? Why aren't they evacuating this way?
6-If the first order can track light speed jumps, won't they track the small ship when it jumps away?
7- If the Empire can't track them because they are focused on just the main Rebel vessel, why not load people on the other ships and have them jump away to different locations?
8-Why does Poe have a secret communicator to reach old Brown-eyes which he has access to and can use without anyone else on the ship knowing? Doesn't this mean a spy could easily send out information to their enemies, like if Finn decided he wanted to rejoin the Empire or someone wanted to cut a deal to not get killed? Are their no controls on communication from the rebel flag ship?
9-Why are they given such shit directions? Does this code breaker go to the same casino EVERYDAY wearing the exact same clothes? Why doesn't Sphincter-eyes give them a name? Or what species he is? Considering they have less than a day to find the guy and get back, shouldn't she be more specific?
10- If the plan is to jump away and jump back, that means very precise jumps are possible, so why can't the bad guys just have a couple of ships jump in front of the good guys fleet?
I'm sure you can think of more problems yourself.
So Finn and Rose fly off in a little ship to a casino planet with loads of rich people on.
This planet is boring as fuck.
The casino is just a like real casino, with tall drinks glasses, lots of gold chips, long craps tables with dice to throw down them, and slot machines. The only thing sci fi is a few CGI aliens going around (so much for the promises of practical effects, huh?)
Finn and Rose have no chemistry and nothing interesting to talk about in this dull setting, so the whole sequence is lifeless and boring.
We learn that the rich people on the planet are arms dealers, who got rich selling weapons to the first order and have child slave labour. I would think after the prequels, Star Wars would have learned to avoid cute kids as child slaves plots, but here we are.
Eventually they get arrested before they can meet the guy they are looking for because they parked their shuttle illegally. No really, that's what actually happens, in a Star Wars film.
This strange, unfunny, jokey tone is at odds with the child slavery and is a good example of the confused tone of this film.
In prison, Rose and Finn meet another codebreaker guy who says he will help them if they pay him. They refuse so he just opens the cell and escapes, letting them out in the process. Sure, why not?
On the way out he meets up with BB8, who has beaten up and tied up the guards. yes, BB8, the little round ball robot.
Just don't ask.
Rose and Finn get to the stables where cute slave kids give them a herd of CGI animals to ride on and they all go charging off through the casino and city, smashing things, crashing through walls and feeling rather like a Harry Potter film.
Now, lets just stop for a second.
What the fuck am I talking about?
Riding around on animals? Casinos? What the fuck has any of this bullshit got to do with the movie or the plot? Pretty much none. We are just padding out the run time with irrelevant nonsense at this stage.
BB8 and the rogue codebreaker have stolen a space ship (BB8 can do what ever he wants now. I want to see him fight Leia to find out who is the most powerful being in the universe!)
Codebreaker man agrees to help with the promise of getting paid later by the resistance. He also wants Rose's moon necklace, which is the other half of the one from the lady on the bomber at the start. I forgot to mention this because I don't care about Rose or her sister. I just marginally prefer the sister because she's dead.
Meanwhile, back at the good guys' fleet, Poe gets angry that the purple haired admiral woman wants to evacuate.
He calls her a coward and a traitor, which in a normal military would get you arrested, but the rebels are pretty casual, so you can just insult the chain of command and no one cares. Their failure to respond to his insubordination bites them in the ass as Poe and some of his chums pull out guns and take over the main rebel ship, preventing the transports from leaving. Eventually the rebels storm the bridge and Leia, now recovered, stuns Poe. Afterwards, Leia and Purple Hair sort of roll their eyes and say how hot headed Poe is and how they both like him.
Yeah, a bit of friendly mutiny, what a loveable scamp!
We later learn that Purple Hair's plan is for them to take the transports to a nearby planet where they can hide, and rather then just fleeing aimlessly into space as Poe assumed.
Why didn't Purple Hair tell everyone the plan? It's not like she was keeping it secret for security reasons, as just knowing about the transports is enough to ruin the plan, so why leave off the detail about where they were going?
The reason is to create drama and tension for the audience. If the characters just explained themselves properly, there wouldn't be any drama and the movie would be about half as long.
Later on it turns out that Poe doing this stupid shit helps get lots of people killed, so that's another big win for Poe.
Seriously, maybe Hux isn't the buffoon I assumed. Failing to kill Poe is the greatest blow ever struck against the rebels!
Finn and co get onto the main Imperial ship, head to destroy the device that they previously didn't believe was possible but now know everything about.
They are noticed by an evil black BB8 Unit, which I found hilarious, though nothing comes of this so I don't know why its even in the movie except as a new toy to sell (I saw one on sale outside the cinema.)
The rogue codebreaker guy uses the little moon necklace as a circuit breaker to open a door as it's made of a very conductive material apparently and is exactly the right size he needs. How fortunate! He then returns the item to Rose, making it seem like he might not be too bad. But then ITS A TWIST as he has betrayed them and Rose and Finn get captured. The smuggler gets paid a load of cash and departs, after telling the first order about the transports.
Please note, the transports would have gotten away had Poe not launched this dumb ass mission. So Poe has now not only delayed the escape, but doomed it.
Ever since he blew up Star Killer Base in part one, it's been all down hill for poor old Poe, he can't stop fucking up and getting everyone killed.
The movie clearly doesn't intend for me to hate this foolhardy moron, and all the other characters seem completely okay with his total incompetence. By the end of movie Leia is deferring to his leadership, making her survival even more pointless. Between him and Purple Hair, Leia doesn't seem to have anything to do in this movie.
So the Empire start blowing up the transports, which I guess is meant to be upsetting but here are two groups of totally incompetent jokers fighting for shit I don't care about. I didn't want either side to win at this point as I've nothing but contempt for any of them.
While this was going on Rey was hanging around with Luke. He kind of trains her a little bit, but not really. We learn that in a moment of fear he considered murdering Kylo Ren, but Kylo Ren saw him with his lightsaber posed, and fought him, thus causing Kylo to join the dark side.
So Luke, the guy who believed even Vader can be saved, saw evil in a kid and considered maybe just murdering him. It's certainly a ...different interpretation on the character.
By the way, Mark Hamil thought Luke was totally out of character in this film, and he would know.
Rey starts having a weird psychic connection to Kylo letting them see each other and talk to each other across the galaxy.
Deciding Luke is a useless asshole she goes to see Kylo on the First Order command ship, where she gets captured and is brought to see Snoke.
Snoke does more evil villain gloating, like the boring evil CGI bastard that he is. He says that he will find Skywalker's location from her, then kill him and her and there will be no more Jedi.
Why...does Snoke want to kill the Jedi again? Is he a Sith or some kind of bad Jedi? Skywalker is living as a hermit on an island, why is he so important? I have no idea what Snoke's motivations are and beyond "he's evil" I can't explain his motivations at all.
He was the one that made Kylo and Rey see each other and talk to each other across the galaxy because the force does what ever the hell we want it to do. For some reason he thought this would cause Rey to come to Kylo. (Maybe attracted by his naked torso as we see in one scene, where Rey asks him to put a robe on..its as weird and uncomfortable as it sounds.)
I can't quite explain how that plan was supposed to work, but it did so I guess we should just move on.
Snoke is going to have Kylo kill Rey and gloats that Rey can't turn Kylo good. He says he can see Kylo's thoughts and Kylo is thinking on turning on his light saber and killing his true enemy.
As he says this, Rey's lightsaber is sat on the side of Snoke's throne and Kylo moves it with his mind and turns it on, stabbing Snoke. See? See what they did there? Snoke was his true enemy! Though how Kylo's own thoughts are in such vague terms I have no idea.
As mentioned, if Snoke just had better peripheral vision he could have ruled the galaxy!
Kylo pulled the sabre over to him, chopping Snoke into bits.
Him and Rey then join forces to beat up Snoke's red body guards in a big, overly choreographed fight sequence.
After this Kylo refuses to try to stop the Empire from blowing up the Rebel Transports. He says that it's time to let go of the past and start over, with him and Rey ruling the galaxy.
Now I think the movie makers wanted me to go "No! Rey don't listen to him!"
But my response was "yeah' that makes sense, they should join forces."
The Empire failed, the Republic failed, the first order and the resistance are jokers, even Luke doesn't want the Jedi back, so why the hell not?
There isn't an implication here that Rey would have to turn to the dark side, and having a dark sider and a light sider working side by side could be a way to finally peace to the galaxy. Couldn't be any worse than the stupid organisations that have fucked up the galaxy so far.
But that might be interesting so Rey refuses, they uses the force at each other a bit.
What is her alternative?
Just keep fighting?
We've already seen how pointless that is.
They've been blasting each other for 5 movies and the Empire and rebels are still going at it (and that's not to mention all the fighting in the prequels). No one offers any solution to the fighting beyond "kill everyone on the other side" There is no ideological conflict here, just two sides blasting at each other.
The two of them use the force to pull on a lightsaber between each other till it snaps.
Yeah the movie has literally come down to two people pulling on a lightsaber.
The lightsaber breaks in two and explodes knocking them both over backwards,
Purple Hair admiral stayed behind on the rebel big ship while everyone else escaped (Rather than Leia...because for some reason we are desperate to keep Leia alive in this film) She realises that the transports are all getting blown up, moves her ship to aim at the big Empire ship and activates the hyper drive, destroying her ship along with loads of Empire ships and cutting their big lead ship in half.
If this is a viable tactic...why didn't the rebels do this right away, with all their ships? Why don't they put program droids to fly ships at their enemies and then turn on the hyper drives? Apparently doing this you can take out even the most massive, ridiculous vessels instantly.
Finn and Rose are about to get executed but the rebel ship ramming happens just at that moment and saves them at the last second (who would have guessed?) This blows up lots of first order guys around them, but they are unharmed (they are so lucky, huh?)
Phasma, the silver armoured storm trooper woman is back (despite the last film making her turn out to be a worthless coward who surrenders all the information about the bad guys plans at even the slightest threat and is then thrown down a garbage chute. I guess she's meant to be scary again for some reason.)
Interestingly, Rose shoots at her and the shot bounces off her armour. I think this might be the first time someone's body armour has done anything against blasters in Star Wars. Give this shit to more troopers!
Troopers shoot at Rose but she keeps hiding behind boxes various and this seems to completely counter them. The Storm Troopers should learn this "hide behind a box" tactic.
Finn fights Phasma with an energy club thing against her staff and eventually says a quip and clubs her around the head.
While they are doing this, BB8 takes over an Imperial Walker. I don't know how he got into it but then the top of it falls off so we can see him on top of it driving around shooting all the troopers, who for some reason can't shoot him back.
This astoundingly stupid imagery is playing out in the back ground behind Finn and Phasma fighting in a very badly staged scene. I was being distracted but stupid shit in the background so was missing the actual important fighting in the foreground.
Getting clubbed damages Phasma's helmet and we can see one of her eyes.
This bit gets really uncomfortable, as seeing her eye feels like a reminder that she is a human being, not just a faceless drone. Under that armour, she and all the storm troopers are people just like Finn.
Finn and the film makers seem oblivious to this and he trades quips with the injured Phasma before the ground around her collapses and she falls into a fiery pit.
What did we learn here? What is this about?
He hit her with a club and she fell into a hole.
Okay let me give you a quick alternative version I just came up with today-
What if when Finn is brought out before the storm troopers to be killed he started shouting "Don't listen to them! The first order is lying to you! They don't care about any of you!" like he's trying to wake up the storm troopers, as he was woken up to the truth.
But he looks out and sees rows of blank white masks.
However, perhaps we see a couple of troopers move their helmets a little, suggesting perhaps his words are having an impact on some of them.
Finally Phama hits him in the guts to silence him.
Then, later, when Phasma fights Finn and he breaks her mask he is about to kill her he makes eye contact with her and stops, realising she is a person and killing her won't help anything. He then reaches out to try to save her, but she refuses to take his hand and plunges to her death.
I dunno, I've never been paid to write anything in my life, but you tell me which version sounds more interesting.
Finn and co jump on BB8's robot walker (Christ I don't want to live on this planet anymore) and escape to a ship to get away.
General Hux goes to to see Kylo (hilariously you can see the ship they are on has been cut in half out the window...but I guess no rush to leave, huh?)
Kylo claims Rey killed Snoke and declares himself the new supreme leader and then strangles Hux till he agrees.
An interesting system of succession, I think you will agree.
Hux at this point is a walking punchline that takes literal prat falls as he goes from being force tossed around by Snoke to force tossed around by Kylo.
I remember I really liked his character in the first film. This young, ranting fanatic, trying to prove himself and having a tense rivalry with Kylo.
But now he does everything short of dropping his trousers for a cheap laugh.
The remaining rebels escape the planet, and Snoke is dead after a climatic final confrontation, so that brings this terrible movie to the end.